First, a little background.
for 3 years, the relationship was fantastic, but it failed because I have always been told I can't have children & he was desperate for a family. Also, we both had high-pressure jobs and were spending less and less time together. I said I wanted to leave because I felt neglected. He proposed, but I couldn't marry him knowing he would be unhappy. We split 4 years ago.
Since then, I have been rather naughty. Whenever one of us has been having a hard time or felt depressed, we have ended up spending the night together. This has happened about 10 times in 4 years. Neither of us have dated anyone else.
In April of this year, I finally felt like I wanted to move on & let a friend set me up on a date. I met and instantly fell in love with a wonderful man (S). He is everything I ever wanted & our relationship has moved quickly.
However, only a few weeks into our relationship, I was in a car accident & when being checked over at the hospital, they told me I was pregnant. The baby is most definatly my exs - who I was with about 2 weeks before I met (S).
very obviously wants me and the baby back in his life. Whatever happens I want
to be part of this babys life.
However, (S) has rather shockingly offered to stay with me. I didn't believe him at first, but he wants to stay with me & help me raise the baby. And he seems to mean it, I am currently 5months gone & am having a very rough time (hyper-emersis & problems with my placenta that mean I am in & out of hospital) despite me ending/putting our relationship on hold, he has continued to spend time with me, help me with everything & be my emotional rock.
is also very involved, and most surprisingly has taken a lot of time off work (it is unheard of!!!) to sit with me in hospital everytime I end up back there.
Basically, I need advice as to how to proceed. I have deep feelings for both these men.
Do I lose (S) and try to make a family work with
and the baby?
Or do I stay with (S) and just co-parent with
Either way I fear hurting one of them!!
(S) is new love, but seems committed.
is former love, but has so far seemed to have changed for the better for the baby.
are both lovers open to sharing you or do you absolutely need to chose one of them? if you have to choose and love both of them equally i would recommend the biological father as the right chose. i believe you will probably cave to having a secret fwb relationship with S considering your emotional state.
don't ignore possibility they will agree to a shared relationship as opposed to losing you completely. get them together and render your current emotional status to them. see if you can have the best deal by continuing to love both of them openly.
“Obviously wants me and the baby back in his life”
Nothing is sure with this guy. He has been a booty call up until now right?
I can’t tell you which one to choose, in fact, why feel you have to make a decision now, anyway?