Too little now too much
First, a little background.
I dated (N) for 3 years, the relationship was fantastic, but it failed because I have always been told I can't have children & he was desperate for a family. Also, we both had high-pressure jobs and were spending less and less time together. I said I wanted to leave because I felt neglected. He proposed, but I couldn't marry him knowing he would be unhappy. We split 4 years ago.
Since then, I have been rather naughty. Whenever one of us has been having a hard time or felt depressed, we have ended up spending the night together. This has happened about 10 times in 4 years. Neither of us have dated anyone else.
In April of this year, I finally felt like I wanted to move on & let a friend set me up on a date. I met and instantly fell in love with a wonderful man (S). He is everything I ever wanted & our relationship has moved quickly.
However, only a few weeks into our relationship, I was in a car accident & when being checked over at the hospital, they told me I was pregnant. The baby is most definatly my exs - who I was with about 2 weeks before I met (S).
(N) very obviously wants me and the baby back in his life. Whatever happens I want (N) to be part of this babys life.
However, (S) has rather shockingly offered to stay with me. I didn't believe him at first, but he wants to stay with me & help me raise the baby. And he seems to mean it, I am currently 5months gone & am having a very rough time (hyper-emersis & problems with my placenta that mean I am in & out of hospital) despite me ending/putting our relationship on hold, he has continued to spend time with me, help me with everything & be my emotional rock.
(N) is also very involved, and most surprisingly has taken a lot of time off work (it is unheard of!!!) to sit with me in hospital everytime I end up back there.
Basically, I need advice as to how to proceed. I have deep feelings for both these men.
Do I lose (S) and try to make a family work with (N) and the baby?
Or do I stay with (S) and just co-parent with (N)?
Either way I fear hurting one of them!!
(S) is new love, but seems committed.
(N) is former love, but has so far seemed to have changed for the better for the baby.