Should I go along with my daughters demands?
CHOICES400 - Aug 20 2018 at 04:31
I wrote recently about my sister and how she will handle my bf. Now I have an issue with my adult daughter.
She lives out of state and we only see each other a few times a year. She is coming with her boyfriend to the beach to stay with me but he has to leave after a few days. She expects my bf to leave at the same time because she wants to spend a few days alone with me. My adult son won’t have a friend at the beach so I wasn’t going to ask my bf to leave early because he can keep my son company. They get along.
She said she’ll leave with her bf if my bf doesn’t leave early. I understand she wants time alone but I thought even if my bf stays an extra day and my daughter and I have a few days together what’s the harm? I also feel bad asking my bf to leave early anyway.
This daughter doesn't sound adult at all. An adult would simply ask for some time one-on-one.
It seems you have a lot of trouble handling your "adult" children and other family, and their demands. It also seems they do it because they can. They treat you this way because you allow it. All you need to do is stand up for yourself, and stop letting them bully you. Gonna have to do it repeatedly, as I'm guessing this has been the norm for far too long.
I tried talking to her calmly and said we can spend a few days alone and my bf would keep my son company. She said it wasn’t the same and it was our family vacation so he shouldn’t be there and should leave when her bf leaves. Says unkind words about my bf. My bf and I had broken up a while ago and have only reconciled in the last few months but I’m really happy with him. My daughter calls my bf “random”. She said she may just go back with her bf early. She also said I should’ve have thought it through and she shouldn’t have had to tell me all of this. Help.
Let me ask you, who is paying for this vacation? If the answer is YOU - as in YOU are renting the beach house or you own the beach house, you are buying the food, paying for the wood you burn in the fires at night, paying for the gas and electricity, paying for the toilet paper and the dish soap, you pay the water, etc. then you are the only decision maker who has anything to do with who is in that house and when.
Stop being bullied by your daughter. Tell her that your boyfriend will be there as long as he chooses to be there, just like hers did. He CHOSE to leave early, but that is HIS decision and has nothing to do with you or a family vacation. Cause see, there are two things here that are strange.
#1 Why are adults having a family vacation? That is what you do when you have minor children. As adults you are not obligated to vacation with them EVER.
#2 If she wanted time alone with you, then why did she invite her boyfriend at all? He should not have been there, then she would have al eg to stand on. Right now she is trying to make decisions and run things when in reality she is being a bully.
So what you need to do is tell her that your boyfriend WILL be there, and that when her boyfriend leaves she should leave with him. Or she does not have to come at all and can go on a 3 day trip with her boyfriend then back home. She has options.
Let her know that you refuse to be alone and lonely, and that you love this man and that he is important to you. Tell her that she is also important to you, but that a vacation is supposed to be fun, not full of arguments and a bad attitude. She needs to learn her place and her role in your life which is to get in where she fits in. Catering to her demands is not something you should be doing anymore. She is not a toddler! (though she is acting like one).
I agree with DatingDiva. She asked the same questions I have. She also rightly recognizes your daughter as a bully. You need to stand up for yourself. If you're too worried she'll be mad at you, then the bullying will continue. And get worse.
Seriously. You are the parent. Right?