How do I get over my wife's infidelity
Im 33 and been married for almost 7 years (together for 12). This is the first forum I have ever posted on and I could use some help.
I have been dealing with my wife's infidelity since Valentine's Day when she confessed. Two years ago our relationship wasn't going so well. I didn't pay attention to her enough and we only had sex a couple times a month. I loved her, but we didn't have the same spark in our marriage.
That's when everything stared to fall apart. We had just moved into a new house away from the island we met on, I had a new job I didn't like, and our two year old dog died of a liver disease. I was down and so was she. After about a year my wife told me she was unhappy and I need to change. I took it to heart and started putting her first for the first time. Our sex life was great and everything seemed to be going great.
Until we went out to dinner Valentine's Day 2018. We were just finishing up and my wife was telling me how happy she was and how great our marriage was even with what happened in Vegas. What!!! The whole mood changed at that point. I wanted to know exactly what happened. She told me a year and half ago when She went on her friend's bachelorette party she cheated on me. She went to a pool party at the MGM and was fingered in the pool twice by two different guys. Needless to say I was upset.
After a week of talking I decided I can't leave her because I love her so much. I take responsibility for driving her to it, but I can't get rid of the resenntment. I have found myself looking at text messages and trying to find out if that's all that happened even though I know deep down she is telling me the truth and that I can trust her now, but that doesn't get rid of my anxiety. I don't want to leave my wife.
Now I find myself wanting to cheat on her or publicly expose her for what she did to me. Will these feeling eventually go away or should I get a divorce?
Not sure why your wife felt she needed to tell you about this event that happened years ago in Feb. of this year, just when things were going so well between you two. (According to you)
But the cat is out of the bag, and you need to figure out what to do with this “ information”
Sounds like there was immense stress and unhappiness in the marriage during that time. Both of you were not yourselves or committed to the marriage. Did you get professional marriage counseling at that time? Doesn't sound like it.
Perhaps she has been carrying this guilt around with her and felt she needed to confess to you. That backfired and now has really brought up hurts and confusion.
Marriages survive things like this. Get professionsl marriage counseling now so you can face the future - together or by yourselves.
Can you commit to at least trying to work this out?
She said she had been living with what she had done and praying about what she should do. All of her friends that she told advised her not to tell me, but she did it anyway.
I respect the fact that she told me, but she said she has been living with the guilt and she couldn't do it anymore.
We never seen marage consoling before when our marriage was in a slum. After she cheated on me she gave me the ultimatum to change my ways and she changed the way she acting and payed more attention to my needs too. we both changed our marriage without outside help.
I want to talk about how I feel with everything, but it always seems to make her feel so bad about what happened.
She wants to forget about what happen and move on because she had to live with it for two years, but now I have to deal with these feelings and my insecurities.
When I'm alone with my thoughts I resent what she did and I contemplate leaving her, but when we are together those feelings go away.
I am committed to this marriage and I know she is too. I just always want fix everything myself and I can't suppress these these feelings.
Marriage consoling may be the answer, but I don't know where to begin.
You can “fix” this problem if you feel resentment, think you should also cheat, or should run out and get a divorce - all because of something that happened when you and her were having problems years ago.
Get a referral for a marriage counselor from your pastor or from your local hospital. Don’t let this fester into something that will make her leave you.
you make a good point. I will discuss counseling with my wife. Thank you for the advice.