My husband withholds affection and sex
My husband has been withholding affection and sex from me since we have been married, we didn't live together prior. It seems
To come and go in clusters. He had debt and business is failing. He seems to have an active interest in porn so when he is upset or feeling like to punish me (I suppose) he will withhold affection and intimacy and use porn. We go for few weeks without intimacy. I would ideally like intimacy every other day or every few days at least. We have three children and one on the way, making four, live in a huge house in the middle of nowhere. The reasons he gave for the making arguments and coming to bed late is that when he sees the sink with dirty dishes or clothes that haven't been folded and put away, or when he sees hair balls on the floor etc, it puts him off me. The genuine reason I thought he was going to give is that sometimes when he gets home
In my slacks hair messy no makeup, or that lately I haven't been shaving my legs etc. I've had horrid morning sickness and low BP with this pregnancy so it makes me dizzy and nauseous so I'm laying down a lot. His mother lives. Close by but she never drops over to help with the baby who's 18 months and active. I really want to leave this hell of a marriage. But I can't I've trapped myself by becoming accidentally pregnant. Was taking mini pill but it failed as I wasn't taking it same time each day and had a few episodes of lose motions which apparently renders it ineffective.
I don't consider abortion an option for me now. I've bonded with the pregnancy. I'm slightly short at 5 foot 2 but I weigh 128 lbs I have a very good figure naturally , I'm curvy and slim, I used to be a model photo shoots for bridal magazines and a makeup model for Two bridal makeup artists so I was working before I was married and happier .my looks are on my side ATM . Why I'm Saying this is that I look good so there's no reason for him to be doing this. He doesn't seem to be cheating as he is home every day on time watching tv and during working hours he is where is he supposed to be. That's not a reason either. I don't understand why occasional dirty dishes or unclean floor make a person not want to be intimate with their wife. Also I cook very good food for family 80-90% of the time and keep the kids healthy clean etc. I'm stuck for a period till this baby is born and slightly manageable and then I wish to get out as he says he won't change there's always complaints about me, he said he won't leave as he has married me and for kids sake he is staying. But avoiding sex.
with four children doesn't seem like you have been totally avoiding sex. these seem more like excuses than reasons to punish you for poor housekeeping activities. perhaps he has a physical or emotional problem that is making him avoid normal sexual behavior. suggest you have him get a physical and emotional examination to detect any medical problems. seems like your physical appearance is definitely a turn off to most men especially hairy legs. sex two or three times a week is very reasonable. i would work on your appearance to stimulate him. watching porn is quite normal for men so i would not get emotional about this leisure activity. seems your appearance and poor housekeeping is the major blockage to a normal sex life with your hubby that you can quickly correct.
These are excuses he uses. What he's really doing is using lack of intimacy as a control tactic to keep his power over you. I put up with this and tons of emotional abuse for 30 years. Find a therapist trained in domestic abuse. I suspect you are in an abusive marriage and just haven't realized it yet. A therapist can help you sort out all the issues.
You don't mention other problems, but I have no doubt there are more things going on with him than you can see right now. Get some objective help for this and all other problems you're experiencing with him.
Its not normal for guys to look at porn. Porn is degrading to women and it helps perpetuate the male entitlement philosophy. I'm sorry you're stuck right now, but as soon as you're able, I'd seriously think about ending the relationship. An abusive marriage will hurt you, your children, and your grandchildren if you don't do something about it.