Problems with childs grandmother
I'm looking for some advice or for someone to tell me I'm overthinking.
I had a baby 10 weeks ago. I am with the father of the child as of 10 weeks ago. I had known him for years, where we were in contact then not again and we got in contact again about this time last year. He didn't want to let me meet his friends or his family. Our wee bundle was a surprise.
I told him the moment I found out and it took him 3 months to tell his mother. I recently found out that he did so over the phone during an argument as his mum was trying to encourage his ex girlfriend to visit (she's from Sweden) and so he blurted out the news. It turns out that she had been living at his mums and had upped and left not before he got back in touch with me, he hadn't been upfront about it, in fact he deliberately misled me and concealed this information, why, I don't know because I had been engaged until May last year and I was completely open with him. To me, this doesn't make sense, why would his mum be arranging for his ex parter to visit if Jack wasn't in contact with her himself?
Anyway his mother never contacted me at all during my pregnancy although Jack was very involved. But since having my child she has seen him at least once aweek without fail, where she sits in my house for up to 8 hourd or I travel an hour to get to her. I should add that Jack is currently working away. I feel its very false, she recently asked me how I knew I was pregnant (odd for a women I barely know and from someone who has had two children of her own) mentioned several times that she knew absolutely nothing about me and what a shock it was, ignored a friend request I sent on Facebook, amongst other things. I believe she is still in contact with his ex partner. And I just get the feeling that she believes her son is only in a relationship with me because of our child. Which I find quite disrespectful giving the amount of effort I have made with her.
Am I overthinking this?
I often feel like I'm a booby prize. Its really hurtful.
Problem is with BF, not his mom.
“He concealed and witheld information” -yeah, he did. No wonder mother is doubtful and confused.
“He didn’t want me to meet his family or friends” yeah - no wonder she’s asking questions.
She doesn’t know you and here is a baby!! Perhaps she is doubting he is the father of this child.
The fact that she visits the baby shows she cares, but only about the child. Frankly, I don’t blame her.
I feel sorry for the GF who got doubled betrayed.
His ex girlfriend left him before he got back in touch with me. There was no crossover, not in a million years would I do get involved with someone who was involved with another.
She had 9 months to get to know me before the baby arrived, and I have done nothing but attempt to involve her.
I would never stop anyone who loves my child from being involved, so why is she being so superficial, instead of just saying how she feels.
I'm sorry I never thanked you for your reply. I've been so stupid. I feel like such a fool.
There is every chance he was still in contact with her isn't there? Which is why his mum was trying to arrange for her to come over. I've just done what I always do and believed everything he's told me.
Even if I was the other women, it was done so unknowingly (all of this only came out a few weeks ago up u till then I didn't even know he had been in a relationship nevermind living with someone)I have been cheated on before and know how much it hurts.
That maybe why his mum was initially unwilling to get to know me. One way or another we will be in each other lives and I think it's unfair of his mum to judge me based on her sons decite. I feel that perhaps she should say how she feels instead of sitting in my house for 8 hours a time pretending everything is fine and making small talk when it's not.
I made it clear from the off I would encourage a relationship between grandparents and my child regardless of what happens. Family is incredibly important to me and it is important my child has everyone involved who loves him. That will never change
Maybe I should just speak to her about it.
Why are you so angry with her? Why do you expect her to start up a conversation about her son’s actions?
Let her be a grandma and don’t drag her into anything more. She is probably in shock and trying to process everything.
It was her son who kept everything away from family and friends, remember? Let him have any conversation with her. He’s the one who should be explaining anything to you.
Thank you Susiedqq.
I think that you're right.
Thank you for taking the time to reply and putting this into perspective for me.