Rejected by a younger guy and made a total fool of myself
32 F single just was introduced to a 25 m through colleagues. The guy just moved to this town and we were getting along well. Wewere almost always hanging out at eitjer of our olaces, cooking together, warching movoes, spending nights talking without ever getting intimate or close. Since He was looking for a part time job, I offered him one in our company though he had not joined officially. He recently got out of a relationship and I wasn't looking for anything but I just got attracted towards him physically. Never mentioned it nor made any passes. He always used to speak about any new females he'd seen or he had been trying to go to bed with and though this irritated me i never expressed it.
Sadly one night we slept on his bed and that ended up in me blowing him. The next day he just spoke to me about work and the following day he came for training and we were making plans for cooking etc. but we didn't hang out together as prior to that night.
Friday night he didn't turn up to our usual hanging out with friends and two common friends of ours and I went to his place to pick up my crock pot. He came down with it and didn't even ask us to go up. Later when one of the guys left he sent my other stuff through the other. I found this to be strange and called him and when he didn't receive I went up to his apartment to ask him what was wrong. He behaved very casually and just said he was cooking (which was true). We went out to speak in private as nobody knew what had happened between us. He kept wanting to leave and said he was no longer keen on working with us because we had been delaying his paperwork (true but he wasn't serious about the job). I was really drunk then and I tried putting my arms around him to soothe him to which he said he didn't like being intimate, that he regretted that night and it was because of his hormones that it happened and he can't give the place of his ex gf to anyone. I made it clear I wasn't looking for anything from him but for some idiotic reason my eyes welled up and he just said he had seen tears before and they didn't make any difference to him.
I just took my things and left and sat down at a bench en route to my place and after 10 minutes he turned up saying that I was really predictable to him and he wanted to drop me home. When I said I didn't find his behaviour ok he said he was hungry and it was just a spur of the moment thing. He further asked whether he should come to work this week to which I said no. Anyhow I asked him to leave and he did and I got home drink and sad. Deleted him from Facebook and removed his number. I vaguely remember asking him to get lost during our conversation and him telling me he was trying to control his anger but I just don't recall verbatim of what was said.
I feel pathetic, not just for loosing my dignity and going to bed so easily but also to be stupid enough to get attracted to him. I miss his company and I just want to know if there's any way this can be undone?
Stop beating yourself up about this. You can’t undo what happened - but you can re- frame it.
He does not want the same kind of relationship as you do. So you must accept this if you want to be friends with him. Let him know all pressure is off for anything more. Don’t look for one-on-one time with him, keep social things in a group setting.
Can you do this ( go back and re- define the relationship)? It’s going to be a challenge for you. He seems firm in how he feels.
Be sure you cultivate other relationships, too.
Unfortunately I didn't even ask him to be in a relation nor do I think it would be feasible. I guess that night freaked him out although he was actively looking for females to sleep with. I think I'm just not attractive enough for him. As of now after that drunk night he hasn't even contacted me and I feel just too embarrassed to approach him. I've lost my dignity and that successful, I'm control older woman image has just been replaced by crazy, desperate female. I think its just a dead issue unless he approaches- which he never will.
Thanks for your support
Why this particular guy? I mean, he made it clear that he had no interest in a relationship before anything even went down. (Pun intended. :P ) You spent nights together cooking and watching movies, that was it. That's usually a friend, not someone who wants to fool around with you.
A 25-year-old guy sounds a little too young if you're looking for someone a little more mature for adult fun. Try to meet a guy two or more years older, I'm sure it's not difficult to do.
I think women have a hard time finding the right men because so many men are an option to them. It's incredibly easy for a woman to get any random guy to sleep with her or fool around with her, but it's a lot more difficult for any guy to get any girl he wants.