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I feel like my twenty seven years on this earth have been a complete waste

Posted by
STARRY NIGHT
on Sep 5 2018 at 09:52
Member since: 05 September 2018
Emotional advice My mom had passed in May of this year, and since then, everything is tumbling down. My job has cut hours drastically, and my brother got fired. My mom left no will, so it is in probate process. My youngest and eldest sister want nothing to do with the house, but from the day that my mom died, they took over everything. My mom was an animal hoarder, six cats and 3 dogs. My brother and I were tasked with taking care of them, and paying the WSG and Comcast bill as our 'rent'. My mom was disabled, so it was forced for us to care for her animals, much to our dismay. When she died, the house reeked. Our sisters, as well as my aunt and uncle (my mom's brother) stepped up to help us with the funeral expenses. Our current mindset was that 'we lost mom, what are we going to do now,'. That is where things have spiraled out of control. My aunt, uncle, and older sister offered to help us with cleaning up the house. At first, we were apprehensive, because some things in the house meant sentimental value. They made a verbal agreement that not everything was being tossed. I left for work the day of clean-up (my work only gave me one week of funeral leave), and when I came back, everything was gone. Mine and my brothers bed, our dressers, even my mom's kitchenaide mixer that I had bought two years ago, all gone. When I demanded to know what happened, my eldest sister and aunt explained that was their condition for 'fixing up the house,'. Afterwards, they spent so much money to replace things, tear the carpet and replace it with vinyl flooring, new furniture and beds, but the thing of it is, we never asked for this, or even got to choose anything in our budget to 'pay them back'. Absolutely nothing came by us, and it is infuriating. I am trying to feel grateful, but everything was high-end from Ikea, and with my job at a grocery store having hours cut, and my brother being fired, everything became so much more stressful. I still do not know if they plan to sell the house, but I am wanting to at this point. Taxes are increasing so much more, same with house insurance. I've been trying to find a job for weeks, and nothing, absolutely nothing....

Going back, my mom sheltered us horribly. My brother is national guard, but he can't save a dime to save his life. I was manipulated for credit cards under my name for my mom to convince me to use them. Being the stupid kid I was (I started with credit cards 2 years ago), I thought I was contributing to the household, which I didn't know how credit cards work. My credit debt is at maximum $3000 in debt to this day, with a car loan of $16k. I didn't finish college, because I didn't mentally prepare myself (my mom also had a hand in taking some of my financial aid). I flunked in and out the every other quarter until I lost my financial aid in the third quarter. I didn't know what to do, and I was honestly a lump on the couch, with no direction my whole life. This lasted a year before I went to job corps in 2012. I was at the happiest point of my life! I was independent, was getting training that was helping me improve myself, and I was actually starting to have a good thing going. Until I finished my trade, and had to return to the very same cesspool that brought on my depression. I couldn't get a technical job in my hick of a town, and so I got a job at the pizza parlor in town. It was decent, and I had a somewhat working car at the time, all the while my mom was collecting animals and sitting around expecting us to care for them (at that time, it was seven tanks consisting of snakes and lizards, as well as 5 cats and two dogs, which one pissed and pooped everywhere). We were on the verge of losing the house when my sister's mother in law convinced a real estate agent to switch our house with one of his (he knew there was a profit in it somehow, and he actually got $350k out of it), and we moved into the next town over.

As we started to settle, mom got another freaking cat on top of the five. We've lived here two years, and boom, the situation was back to the way it was. My brother and I, being sheltered, did the bare minimum, as that was what my mom had taught us to do all our lives. She cooked, while we worked and paid bills. Fast forward to her passing month, we rehomed all but one dog. My eldest sister and my aunt 'left' the door open, and all the cats had gotten out. Luckily we were able to collaborate with the humane society to have them caught and paid for each of them to be surrendered. The two other dogs were rehomed to friends. My brother recently got fired, and has been collecting unemployment, while the reality of the situation has hit me far more than it has my brother.

The property taxes are paid this year, and the house insurance is due in October. My brother pays for the WSG. Luckily, the house is fully paid for, but with my hours being cut drastically, I'm finding it more stressful with each day the reality that's been thrown at us. My brother refuses to acknowledge there's a problem. He won't save any money for taxes, and keeps forgetting about bills. I warned him my hours were being cut, and I would need his help covering the living expenses. Comcast bill, he forgot, house insurance, forgot again. Finally, he makes an attempt at paying the electricity, by putting only $30 down on it (it was $64).

I have explained to my sisters the problem, and their response is to be hard on him. I have, even where I've gotten so angry that I had to go for a walk. From my perspective, they want me to be his mother. I feel like it's like the animal situation all over again; being forced into a situation I never asked for. From since my mom passing, it has become a sad reality. I don't know how to cook, I'm swamped in debt, I've got a terrible job, and with each passing day, I constantly think about suicide. I hate admitting it, but some days I feel like I don't want to care about the situation or want to deal with it anymore. I've tried so many times to explain it to my brother that things need to change, and that I can't do it all on my own. I pay credit card debt every month, car payment, car insurance, house insurance, electric and I can't do it anymore. I just want to sell the house and be done with it once the probate process goes into fruition. I almost want to sell in order to pay my debt and try to move as far away from my family as possible. I just don't know what to do anymore, no one will hire me, even though I have years of customer service experience. I feel like they see my obesity and assume I'm a bad worker. I just have so much stress combined with my depression from the job searches, the debt, my family, that somedays I feel like suicide is the best option, though in my head, its wrong on so many levels. I just hate that my mother chose not to prepare me for the world, and I had to learn it with her manipulating me up until the day she died. I don't know how much longer I can do this...

These are two threads that I have posted years ago, to help explain some of the issues that I've dealt with for so long. https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/6153/23-And-Still-Mentally-Glued-To-The-Mother-Nest https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/9732/Struggling-With-Weight-Loss-All-My-Life

I feel like my twenty seven years on this earth have been a complete waste
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Sep 5 2018 at 12:33
Member since: 27 December 2013
Count your blessings: the house is clean, animals are re- homed, you have your health, you have skills ( you write very well)

If you can’t get brother to be more of a team player in keeping this house going, then consider selling and splitting up. Get your own apt. . Move to a city that has job opportunities. You are not tied to this house.

National Guard is one weekend per month. That’s not enough to live on.

Bring in some help to get a budget. Those relatives that helped with the cleanup might get brother to participate.

Your mother did not prepare you for the outside world. Thst’s your job now. You CAN do it!!

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