Feeling like i am stuck, very anxious, not sure what to do
I have posted a few times on this. But feeling like i am wording things wrong. I suffer from major anxity issues. So i am going to break things down. and see if anyone may have some helpful advise.
First the main thing, in less then week, i am suppoed to be going to my dad's . But i really don't feel that is going to be the best option. however i feel like i am not having a choice, and not sure what to do . But my anxity is in overdrive just thinking about it. and i just want to run as fast i can. The thing is one, we do not have a relationship, he left when i was young, and even when he did come back around. He had not much to do with me. He said that i can come stay, as long as i pay his bills, and take care of him. and also he lives so far out, that i will not really be able to get around, and make things better for myself. Right now at my daughter's but she has her own life going on. My sister will not even talk to me. She talked to me till i got here, now she barely says a word to me.
Now the other thing. My relationship ended after nine years f being together, i took care of him not just financially stood by him with everything, and we had been through alot.. He meet someone else, and she has a agenda, and i feel it in my gut. She needs him to stay in the country, I feel very angry and very betrayed, . He always had said to me that no matter what, together or not that he would make sure i was ok. and still have my back. Long story short, he gave me less then twenty four hours, that he was bringing her to the house to spend the night, and i could stay if i needed to. but my heart could not handle it.. why i am now about to go to my dad's. The thing is do i say anything to my daughter or to my sister that i need to figure something else out and why, or do i just go and wind up more then likely leaving. and then have everyone mad at me. and do i at some point confront the ex, as more then anything else i need some kind of closer to this, and feel i would like to know why he did that to me. Plus i am trying to wrap my head around, why his mom is just fine with this, i metion this as she hated me , not sure why, and we were living with her, and she always meddled in our realtionship.. even old me. that we did not love each other, and that i did not even like her son, and moved me and him into the same bedroom as her, so it wound up causing a meltdown in our relationship. but now here is this woman, who has one thing on her mind marraige so she can stay here, and the only way they can communicate is by texting with a traslatior, yet i was the one, that was no good. plus i want to have our dogs back at some point, and being honest, they were more my family. then my family. Right now i feel like i am being punished, and i can't even handle it. So should i say to my family how i am feeling. about going to my dad. and tell them i meed to talk. and should i at some point should i say something to the ex, he did message my daughter after a few days but that was to ask about the storage, which in my name. and i said i did not wish to speak to him at the time.. he maybe already married by now.. so not sure how i should handle it.. this happned a week ago. sorry this is so long, and i just need to figure out how to talk to people. as i know i really don't want to go to my dad's. Just don't want anyone mad at me.. not sure what to do..