Husband will not acknowledge that our marriage is in trouble!
I’ve been married for 6 years (together for 11) with three minor children. My husband is a very poor communicator and belittles things that I think are huge. He thinks it’s fine to attend his family events without me. He thinks it’s normal to resolve arguments with sex and NO resolving communication. We don’t agree on anything concerning our kids’ health, education or even our own finances or household decisions. It is very frustrating when he deems this as normal and that we are married and “marriage is til death do you part”. I hate this! He does not cater to my emotional needs and I’m usually left feeling alone and empty. I have to tell him to ask me how my day was, in which case he will BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THESE THINGS. He hasn’t always been this way but this is not something I could ever accept or get used to because communication and affection is a must for me. We do have busy lives, and busy schedules but I’m just tired of always having to tell him HOW to treat me at this point in our relationship!
What’s his parents’ marriage like? Perhaps he’s modeling how he was raised.
He is, to an extent. His parents are very traditional with deep southern ways. We both acknowledge that we are not our parents relationships, but I just feel like he isn’t capable of relearning. I’m angry all the time. Then end up feeling guilty when I see he isn’t sure what he has done wrong. I’m just tired... I feel like this is common sense if you know your spouse.
Yours is not an uncommon concern. Life (kids, job, stress, money, health) gets in the way of marriages and the result is a "He/She's not listening to me anymore. I feel diminished."
Add to that then men can seem to be SO clueless and are not as verbal, so they clam up (It's easier to just think the wife is a b#@%ch, then to try to figure out what's going on and make changes to fix it)
Time to put a halt to this current attitude in the house and take steps to re-vialtize the marriage. Go away for the weekend or get rid of the kids and stay home. You may need professional help in re-connecting. Marriage encounters can be very successful in helping with communication issues.
The kids won't be there for long. They need less and less of your constant attention. Then they will be gone! You don't want to then turn around and look at your partner and think, "I don't want to grow old with him/her."
And remember - this is not all him. Most likely this has been a process that has happened all these years. Mother/wives sometimes focus too much on the children's needs and not enough on the marriage. He is probably "tired" too.