Sorry - bit long but please bear with me...
Hi there, I am hoping for some advice (much like everyone else I guess :)), I'll start at the beginning - my partner and I have been together for 9 years, and for at least the first 5 he was using porn, sex chat sites and dating sites... Porn I am not so annoyed about as I know a lot of people do that, however I felt emotionally betrayed by him masturbating to chats online and pics of "real" women. He claims to have stopped around 2015 when he found it was serious enough for him to come home and masturbate about a coworker. I only found THIS fact out two months ago and when he saw how distressed I was, he left and promptly found another job.
The problem is although he wishes to work it out, I am not allowed to he angry. When I got angry yesterday he arranged to go and stay with his old boss (from that job, who actually with his wife, spend a lot of time with the aforementioned coworker who he would see there). He relented in the end but said he couldn't stand me being like this ... So, as well as feeling like rubbish 24/7 after all the times I've discovered him chatting online, and all the promises to stop including this period in 2015 where he allegedly DID stop for good, as well as not feeling enough I no stuck thinking he wants to make it work with me but I feel like I am not allowed to be angry for fear of him leaving and going to possibly the worst possible place .
What do you think I should do ? I still love him and it does feel like he wants to make it up with me, being very loving if not clingy sometimes... I am just at a loss as this has completely destroyed me and I feel unable to vent at all about it.
Hi really hoping for some advice please....
im gonna try and reply...
Watching porn, yeah ok, people watch it, I get that...but I think it is a problem, and it's not ok when it's online chats with real people.
I can see why that would be hurtful and why you would question things.
Erm, you are allowed to be angry, it sounds like he knows it's a problem and he doesn't want to face it or talk about it. So he shuts it down by telling you he can't deal with your anger?! He can't control you and how you're feeling and it's not healthy for you to suppress it either.
He allegedly gave it up but I'm guessing he can always go back to it, if he wanted to, it's probably quite easy to do. he arranged to go and stay with a boss from his old job and odd, as in why and for what reason?...sounds a bit untrustworthy to me.
If it was the other way round, I bet he wouldn't react well.
I think the most concerning thing is that he was looking at dating websites. Porn use isn't necessarily an issue. Talking to other women on the Internet or paying them for phone sex or to watch sex acts is quite a bit worse than watching porn, but even then I wouldn't say that means your husband feels he is cheating on you or wants to cheat on you. The dating websites is another thing altogether - that means he is trying to meet other people - or at the very least, is seeing who is out there.
He didnt quit
He needs to resolve his unhealthy sex issues.
Probably needs professional help because he will just keep doing it.