My bf has anger issues to say the least
My bf is becoming more and more paranoid and delusional every day
It gets worse as the night goes on
The accusations and berating get worse and worse
I dont give him any reason to be so upset except im not working at the moment and thats 1 thing that he chooses to excuse the way he treats me
Since im not working im not contributing
Its definitely putting a strain on us.
But then he goes on to say im a liar he doesnt trust me or respect me
If i get any responses i can give examples of the things he has accused me of
Or the crazy sh** he pulls
He gets so wrapped up in his anger he stops caring about his surroundings and all his precious logic goes out the window
I always tell myself itll be better in the morning just gotta get through the night
We dont talk about it the next day or it just happens again
I pretend it never happened and try to feel normal but i know itll just keep happening
I love him i will never walk away from him
I know its a hard time that doesnt change my devotion to him
Its beyond walking on egg shells
Any little thing i do triggers his psychotic episodes
The tiniest thing could go wrong or his mind races to the worst possible thing and he flies off the handle
He calls me all sorts of horrible things
He becomes so obsessive i dont think hes even on the same planet sometimes
Im scared for the future
Im scared for the present
This is a toxic environment
Theres children in the house
He doesnt care
Hes so far gone
I dont know who to turn to
I dont know how to talk to him
There is no hope it only gets worse
I used to think it was just the drinking that was the problem but theres a whole can of worms beneath the surface
I could try to keep track of all the awful things hes said and done but i cant anymore its too much for me to handle
Sounds more then anger issues to me. It might be worth looking up narcassistic boyfriend/relationships and see if he's got any of the traits. If this was me I'd be running a mile but that's probably difficult if you don't have a job and are reliant on him. Have you got Family/friends around around you?
If he's frustrated with you about not having a job and he's working hard and paying for everything then maybe it's stress but it does mean he gets to insult you on a nightly basis and you shouldn't have wait for his tantrum to blow over till the morning or let him get away with it.
More so if you are actively looking a job or there is another reason. And there are ways to talk to people instead of being spiteful.
You've said above it's a toxic relationship so you know things have got really bad. And He's told you himself he doesnt respect or trust you.
What's making you stay with him?
Thank you for responding.
I love him
I dont want to leave i want things to get better
When hes sober hes himself and normal and doesnt treat me bad
I do have family
Leaving would only make things worse it wouldnt solve anything i think
And if i leave i cant come back
The narcisism thing is probably true.
We aslo just had a baby.
I want to be in his future.
I want him to get better.
He will only get better if he wants to and he would have to start showing you, but first of all, he needs to realise that there is a problem first... I'm too sure he does because he keeps repeating his bad behaviour.
his nightly tantrums, how he talks to you , the drinking would need to stop. All of it. And obviously he would need to get some help.
Do you stand up to him? Or walk away when he's starts shouting at you? I think if you can't leave him (don't want to) then you need to start showing him your going to put up with this anymore.
No I disagree, I think leaving him would help you, if I'm honest, that might not be believable at the moment. I think once you have done you won't want to go back coz who would want to carry on living in that environment?
Keep reading up on narcissists, they are not nice ppl and very manipulative, and you can't change them no matter how much you want to.
I agree you should either leave or let him know you wont put up with his behavior. You have become so used to it you dont seem to understand there are better relationships. Get away from this toxic scene and give yourself time to get over it. Life is too short.
I have shown him that i wont put up with it
I used to try not giving him any kind of reaction (cuz thats what he wanted) but it would backfire and hed start f*cking sh*t up.
We had a rly bad night earlier in the week. it was so bad the neighbor got involved. I think the next morning he regretted how he treated me because hes been very low temper i think he realizes it was too far.
Weve been communicating more clearly and he is aware his drinking is too much. Because he mentioned it when talking about something else.
I still have hope.
I am dedicated to repairing instead of jus throwing us away.
I know i sound naive and things cant just magically get better over night
I know this is just a hard time
Hes been upset because i need to improve hes not wrong about that he just isnt handling it right and has always claimed the better approach didnt work either.
When i say and how does this approach help he says im not turning it around on him
What does he say you need to improve on?
If anything it's him that needs to improve, if he realises he has a drinking problem then he needs to get help and activily go and get it and keep going till he's better and stopped drinking.
That's showing you he wants to change.
He says i dont try and that
Im not a grown adult
I am useless and an idiot and a p.o.s. and garbage and yadda yadda
Same sh** diff day
Lately hes been forgetful of thing that happen when hes slammed so he accuses me of taking his things that he misplaces
Or that i went to my 'other bf 's house cuz i took too long to get cigarettes.
Hes lost his friggen marbles
I think he's putting all his faults onto you, to try and lower your confidence, self esteem and to even make you believe him. He's the one not acting like an adult.
Don't be his slave either, he can go out and get his own cigarettes if that's how he's going to accuse you of things that aren't true.
He can look guilty and talk all he likes, But he's still not showing he's willing to change or help himself (yet).
Its not getting any better
Hes so paranoid he thinks im cheating on him
Every night he accuses me of being up all night on my phone talking to guys and swears that one time he caught me. But i wasnt doing anything shady.
Im so loyal to him i keep telling him he can trust me
Every night when were going to bed he says im gonna be up til 4 am even tho i sleep next to him. I play on my phone for a little while but then i go to sleep.
He smashed an ash tray cuz he thought i said something bad but i wasnt. He slammed doors and tried kicking me out of the room the baby is in (whom he woke up several times with all the ruckuss) and pushed me and hurt me
I was protesting and his girls were still awake downstairs. Then each time he makes a bunch of noise he goes down to check on them. Most likely telling them it was me causing all the trouble.
I appreciate everyones input and advice. Thank you.
I know from the outside and hearing all the horrible things its so easy to say leave him.
But thats just him when hes seeing red. Hes perfectly fine when hes not like that. And i love him when hes not like that.
Theres something wrong with him.
I cant leave him
i want him to get better.
Oh no sorry this is still happening.
Yeah, I think it is very easy for people to say leave him and it's probably easier said then done. But outsiders looking in, can usually see what's going on coz ther not involved. People who care about you only want to warn, help, advice you, so don't dismiss it
It's not fair on you, the baby or kids to be in this situation that he is causing. Sounds like it's getting worse?
I think he's playing mind games with you, sounds like he'll be nice and act normal with you in the day, he'll look sorry, but he's not really because his behaviour has carried on. Don't fool for it it's a very easy thing to do. You can't make him better coz can't reason with him and you can't reason with the unreasonable.
So what alternatives are there that you could do? I think you should at least tell someone close to you about this, if he's getting violent and smashing things, pushing you (what next?). Or go and stay with family, it doesn't mean you have to leave him, it might give him a awake up call or not, and if not, then at least you'll know he's not prepared to change. Any more ideas?
Very true cant reason with the unreasonable
If im not here his mind creates where he thinks i am.
He never says sorry.
One time recently he did say he loves me even tho he doesnt always show it
Like the other evening i was at my moms and he fell asleep and didnt wake up til a couple hrs after i got back and he tried to be like so where were u after ur moms since u just got back