Don't believe him anymore
Been married 22 years together 26. my husband had his prostrate removed 2 years ago. we have manage to have sex with the help of a pump he now as to use. we are having problems with me no longer trusting him. everytime we stay away he is always on his phone when i take a shower. we recently stayed away and i told him to time me for 5 minutes as i had put some cream on my face. i thought time seem to be getting on and he finally said the 5 minutes were up, i think it was a lot longer. i knew he was on his phone and to engrossed what he was doing on it. this caused a big argument. i didnt check his phone and wished i had done but i think he would of deleted the history anyway. said he was up to nothing and checking the news. a couple of days ago he was washing the dishes i was upstairs and i thought it seemed quiet downstairs i asked him why and he said he got fed up washing the dishes and went on his phone and also played a mind game on it. i said i didnt hear the noise of the game because he as been on it before when i have been with him and it makes different noises, he always as his phone on high volume. he said it was not his fault i could not hear it. i think he might be up to something and it seems so stupid to think that he as had his manhood cut out of him but could cheat but years ago he was on dating sites, looking at porn, had a text from some woman who said she was back from holiday. he denies he ever cheated on me but being on dating sites is cheating in my eyes. i think he knows someone and they know what he as had done to him and he is seeing them behind my back. i havent found anything on his phone but he could delete the history. I found out he had been looking at porn again in January this year, it was of 2 women, it hurt me so bad when he said he would stop years ago after me telling him what it as done to my confidence and me as a woman not feeling good enough. i think he is addicted to it because he as always gone on it throughout our marriage. he said it was just sex. years ago after finding he had been on it again he told me he was fascinated by one of the porn stars bodies, can you imagine what it done to me to hear my own husband say that about another woman and what it made me feel like. after having had enough of him doing this i cheated. I know there is a difference between looking and actually going with someone but i wanted to feel wanted like he wanted them porn women instead of me and i am now always on dating sites and needing men to say they find me attractive and want me. they only want to use me nothing else. i feel i cant stop because i know my husband will always look at porn and deep down feel he wants them women not me a real woman. i never deprived him, i dressed up, done oral and always tried to please him but i never felt good enough to those women and no matter what i do he would still want his porn women who he cant have. he stayed away for 2 nights a month ago because we were arguing and i told him to go. he had paid to go on the internet for them 2 days. he took his works phone and could of used the internet on that but he obviously didnt want his boss knowing what he was up to. he said he had been looking at youtube videos but i dont believe this at all. he said with me not being there he had nothing to do but even when ive been with him it doesnt stop him using his phone. he hardly looks at it when im next to him but when im out of the way he does. I have thought about divorcing him. i no longer trust him, i have tried to trust him but something happens to knock it all down again with something he as done. he says i dont work at the trust but how can i when he is always on his phone especially when we stay away.