Housemate / friend issues
Me and my boyfriend live in a 3 room building, each room has their own kitchen and we all only share the bathroom with each other. we rent 2 room and another girl lives with us. This girl and I became super close when she moved in in 2016 and I've been guiding her and helping her around. Since around the end of 2017, she has been cancelling plans or not very into the friendship anymore, but I didn't think much of it. It only annoyed me when I could've done something else on that day but made plans with her, only for her to cancel last minute without explanation.
My boyfriend and I had been talking about moving out since the beginning of the year, and since she was my friend I wanted to give her a heads up that we were planning to move out around October 2018, but that we didn't have a place yet. She started to promise her friends that they could move in and telling us we need to sign a pre-agreement that we will definitely be out of the house by October even if we DONT find another place. So we'd be homeless. Mind you she is NOT the landlord nor does she have any close relationship with the landlord. So after all this pressuring from her, I would calmly explain that we won't sign anything because (after confirming with the landlord) we have every right to stay in this house until we have a place to move to. This is when she started saying things like "But if you're so confident you'll find a place, why don't you just sign my agreement so we can all be happy (meaning her and her friends who want to move in)" to which I kept responding "No, sorry, but we're not going to be homeless just so your friends can have certainty". This went on for quite some time until she noticed I was getting really tired of her always pressuring us. It got to the point where asked us if we could move out in June (while it was already June) so her friends could just be sure to have this place.
Is this how you treat a friend? it seems to me that she was more afraid of her promise that she couldn't keep to her friends than about us being homeless...
Fast forward to now... there is tension in the house. I took some steps back because it really got to the point that she was asking EVERY week if we had a place already. If we had found a place I would've told her. I took some steps back for my own sanity and to not flip out on her. Because I keep explaining things over and over again and she just keeps saying she understands but then continuing to do the same thing. it's frustrating.
Now for some reason, she isn't speaking to me. I texted her yesterday because it was her birthday, she replied normally. Today... I asked her if she enjoyed her day, no answer. Another issue, my boyfriend told her yesterday that she missed a payment for utilities and sent her proof that he did not receive her payment, to which she replied: "But I'm sure I did, but I'll check". Today I ask her again if she checked because there was no payment on the house bank account... no answer... I do not understand what is going on.
I tried confronting her, explaining everything detailed to her, asking her to pay on time (she's usually late).
What more can I do?
Hi Palmtree 123
Ugh, god, she's pushy!
Its really good that you knew when to step back and just kept being assertive with her. That must of been hard.
You were considerate enough to give her the heads about possibly moving but she shouldn't go promising her friends a room or be pushing you and your bf to move out.
It sounds like she wants to be in control and is trying to get a get relationship with the landlord. If you have more contact with the landlord then she's probably jealous of that too.
Sorry, but it sounds like she wasn't ever a true friend, look at what she said to you 'why don't you just sign my agreement then we'll all be happy'. You're right, friends don't treat each other like that. It sounds like she was just trying to get on your good side to try and get control.
Now that it's not going her way, or going as quickly as she wants it to, she's sulking and paying late but pretending to play innocent when you question her.
I don't know how it works with landlords but I think her 'agreement' wouldn't mean anything anyway, even if you did sign it, like you say the landlord would have to agree in the first place? I don't think she gets to make any rules.
She won't see that she doing anything wrong, if anything, she probably thinks she being very helpful to everyone!
I wouldn't give her anymore information on your plans to move out and if and when you do find somewhere don't tell her, leave it to your landlord (if that's how it works). You don't owe her anything.
I'm sensing that she's a narcissist, go look it up if you've not heard of it. Have you noticed any more controlling/manipulative behaviour from her before (not just with you moving out)?
I would still do what you're doing, there might be tension but remember you didn't cause any it.