My parents don't like my girlfriend and she wants them to love her
My girlfriend and I have had a bumpy relationship, and our fights get intense sometimes, and so, one time that we were texting and fighting, it was so much that my mother saw how I was reacting (stressful and anxious) and she took my phone and read the conversation, and things happened that made my parents know about my friend being romantically involved with me and that she wasn't as well mannered as she seemed to be. This made my parents grow some disapproval, not hate, of her, and made my girlfriend feel ashamed and having a fear of my parents hating her. This meant a lot to her because she saw in my parents an actual family that could love her (her mom is emotionally neglecting and harsh and doesn't t do the effort of attending to her daughter's events or showing her she is there, and is very hesitant at letting her daughter go out) and them not feeling as much contempt and approval of her as before have left her very sad about it.
My parents, me and her tried to go out a few weeks after what happened and I asked them about going out the four of us, but even though they said yes, they did it in a way that showed their worry, but still approved it and we didn't fight over it and they don't have any problem with going out with her... But when I told my girlfriend how the conversation was and they said "sure let's go" (without telling her that they showed worry), she still felt they hate her and that the way I told her how they reacted was like they were robots (emotionless) and that it felt like they didn't even appreciate her or loved her like before... And that hurts her cause she wants their approval and love so bad, so now she doesn't even want to go out with them anymore.
To make matters more complicated, my parents are still down to go out, but because I told my mom we were trying to be apart after a big fight we had right after going out (but we mended the fight and now we are actually trying to be as close as ever), my mom is now frustated and doesn't want to go out with her because she doesn't understand why would we go out with her if we are trying to be apart and she deep down does want my relationship with my girlfriend to end and to not form part of her life (my girlfriend doesn't not know that I told my mom that)... I just want to be able to invite my friend to my house like I used to do, and for her to talk to my mother (the other issue is that she is scared of talking to her because she has an irrational fear that she will get in trouble)... Help.
You GF seems to not have a healthy relationship with her own parents and has transferred all these feelings to your parents. ( neediness, lack of trust, attention neediness)
Your relationship with this girl needs to be strong BEFORE you present her or spend time with your parents. It does not sound like you and she have a stable relationship.
Stop going out with your parents. Work on things - especially all your conflicts.
Thank you so much for replying susiedqq, it means a lot. In your opinion, what do you suggest I do to strenghten my relationship with her? Apart from having a good communication and trust, what else do you think can help our relationship? She only has her mom, and she does go out to eat and buy groceries and talks to her a lot, but her mother doesn't care for her as often and is really harsh on her from time to time. Girl also tends to get easily frustated from time to time, and both of us are really sensitive, so it would be lovely if you can give any advice on it? Even after all this, I still have hope for our thing, and she makes me happy.
It also sounds like your gf wants and tries to have a good relationship with her mum but she doesn't get anything back from her, if any it sounds like it's critism. I think that could play a part in why she gets frustrated and is sensitive and I can understand why. Maybe she needs some help with her relationship with her mum.
I think not having arguments by text would help, as what you say to each other can easily get misinterupted and not come across in the right way. Wait until you can have a conversation face to face or at least on the phone.
Hi Lily31, thanks for the advice. I would like to add that she actually gave up on her mom, and she is just waiting to get out of her house, she doesn't have money to live on her own... But it is true, she does need help with her relationship with her mom, although it doesn't let her ruin her day, but I know it's in the back of her mind, but usually when she gets frustated for me it is because of small stuff, like me saying something random and that for a snall reason that she explains aftewards triggers her. But I have started to learn to be patient and just listen to her and make it up for her
Also, when I say gave up, I mean that she stopped trying to talk to her about her feelings or telling her when she is harsh, and now just lives with her and never starts conversations with her. Her mother is just too close minded.