Worried about my cravings
Hello, I've been looking for somewhere to discuss my problems and found this site today. Unfortunately I wrote my life story and then it didn't publish, so I'll start again and be brief.
I am a 35, happily married woman, two children. Normal family life except that before getting married I was a bit wild and liked to be used. It left me with a craving that returns occasionally, to be humiliated, abused etc. These days I am happy for months, but eventually that craving comes back and has to be fulfilled.
Obviously finding someone in everyday life presents problems with keeping it occasional, so I found a way to bypass this by paying to meet someone, most recently a woman, which I found even more humiliating. Unfortunately, when I needed to sort something out before the school holidays, she scared me off a bit, so I searched elsewhere and found a woman who would visit me. Her elderly husband had to drive her, it was a long way, but she was willing. Initially he sat in his car, but she asked if he could come in but take no part, and as it was a really hot day, she wanted me to put my skimpiest bikini on and serve then tea and cake in the back garden, which is fairly private. She did a few things to embarrass me in the garden before we came back inside, and as they left, she said that she hoped it was ok that "the man next door was watching from his bedroom window". I hoped she was bluffing, but had no idea as I didn't have my glasses on.
So, after the school holidays I was getting my craving again, range her and they visited. This time we were in the living room, curtains closed, me in sexy undies and being led around, made to do various keep fit exercises, blindfolded, gradually becoming naked and being told I was stood in front of the windows and "that man is pretending he is gardening, but he is getting a good view of you". Then we went upstairs, still blindfolded. I wasn't too worried because she was there to humiliate me and I thought she would be discrete really. Even if it was true, my neighbours are early 60's. They act like the perfect couple but we hear them arguing. She is very prim and proper, was a receptionist at the local GP's, but now works for a solicitor. He was a businessman but lost his job through drink driving and is a bit of an alcoholic. His wife told me once that he is a "man's man" whatever that means and he "doesn't tolerate women, and thinks they should be confined to the kitchen and bedroom".
Anyway. In the past two weeks, I have a note pushed through the door while I was on the school run saying "Slut, I pity your husband and kids". The man next door has propositioned me twice. I have had a letter through the post describing some aspects of my life that I can only guess came from my medical records, and yesterday when I was walking home, the husband was in his garden and said "you'd better learn some respect quickly because we won't keep quite much longer". I rushed in and locked the door. I am not sure what he wants me to do. My husband would never forgive me if he found out what I have been doing, and he has a job that could be wrecked if the neighbours start talking. I'm not sure what to expect from discussing this, but at least writing about it has helped pass some time.
Well thanks for all the valuable advice. Meeting the female half of the couple at lunchtime to find out what she has to say, so probably won't be around for further advice. ;-( (A)