Depressed and need a way out
Hi. So here's the thing. I am suffering from depression since 4 years. But what I don't understand is that sometimes I feel so happy and motivated. I feel like I wanna do something with my life. And then sometimes I feel the exact opposite. Like I want to just give up and I feel like my life has been ruined and scarred. Like I am worthless and I shouldn't waste my time here. I don't know how to get out of it. I try to live my life the best I can. I try to make a lot of friends, do things I love and have fun. But it just keeps coming back, harder each time. It feels like it's laughing at me for trying so hard and it keeps pulling me back into the darkness while I helplessly scream and struggle to get out.
I don't want to be a failure. I want to win. I have been a topper my entire life and for the last four years my life has been an utter fail. I couldn't do the things I thought I would.
I live in India and my parents don't really believe me when I tell them that there is something wrong with me. They just say I am making up an excuse for bieng lazy. We don't have a psychologist at school nor does anyone want to go to one. Right now I have just started a new life at a college. I ruined my Jee mains exam (It's a competitive college entrance exam) because I didn't study, because I gave up and now I am stuck in a college I didn't think I would ever go to. I am thinking of giving Jee mains again next year but I am afraid I will fail and I don't want to fail. I don't know how to motivate myself and get out of this depression once and for all.
Please help me. I really want to live again. I can't make my parents believe me. They just won't nor will anybody else. I have to do this alone. Please please show me a way out.
Thank you for listening.
I think you need to see a doctor yes. But it’s all a mental road. Do you know how lucky you are that you, are you. The fact that you were born is just an astounding thing. The millisecond difference in timing and you would have not been. Now that aside. You also are healthy? I work with a man who was 20, drunk and left my his buddies in a snow bank in mid January. He lost his legs and lost his ability to speak etc etc. He now lives in silence. Never has had a relationship or a job etc. His gift of life was stolen, and now he lives in a prison he also calls his body. You might face some tough stuff but you are healthy and able bodied. You can do the simplest things he would kill to be able to do again. When darkness is upon you. Remember that it’s a gift that you get to open ur eyes and see the sun. The world around you is yours to mold into whatever you see fit. It’s the effort and beleife that is the hard part. Just know that I am one Canada writting to you from sooo far away cause you matter. You matter and you are valued. Somone put there would do un forgivable things to be were you are. Lob yourself and if you feel alone. Know that your the best friend you could ever have. <3