How to get out of a stressful household
Hi, I have been having issues with my bfs family and he has been super stressed out by them and his work. We are both still living with our parents as my bfs job doesnt pay enough and I'm still in college. My bf hasn't had the best life. His biological father walked out as soon as he found out his mom was pregnant, then his mother married his current dad who was formally addicted to drugs and alcohol. His dad had 2 children from a previous marriage and 2 after marrying my bfs mom. He completely disreguards the 2 from his other marriage. His dad is very egotistical and needs to have control of everything. He's arrogant and constantly belittles his mom. His mom is a two faced bitch who likes to play the victim all the time. She will also start stuff and then pretend not to be involved. They both lie and steal and refuse to admit when they are wrong.
My bf also has a brother living with him who acts just like his dad. He agrees with anything his parents do because they fully support him. Hes 24ish and has never had a job, dropped out of college, and sits at home all day playing video games. They constantly replace his gaming systems and recently bought him a new tv despite financially struggling.
The condition of his parents house is very bad. There are holes in the walls, the floors are basically rotten and always damp, theres dust and dirt and trash everywhere. Theres only one working shower and toliet, and the house is roach infested. His parents are home all day and rarely clean up after their pets, or at all. They hoard stuff and many rooms are cluttered. They constantly come home with junk in the hopes of flipping it. And they generally dont care about their pets unless theyre pregnant, so they can get money from the babies.
Both of his parents are unemployed, his dad did have a job, but was forced into retirement for always being out on disability. He now gets permenant disability and thats the only household income besides whatever he can make cutting wood or whatever. They never pay the bills on time and theyve had the electric turned off multiple times and each time his dad steals electric.
My bf has gone through a lot over the past couple of years. He got into an accident before I met him and flipped the car. He ended up with a herniated disk and a knee injury and still deals with the pain from it. We've been dating for nearly 4 years now, and he got the settlement for it at the beginning of our relationship(how I wish we still had that money). His parents have always struggled financially and a couple times they could not afford groceries. When he got the money he would lend the card to them to get groceries and two times they took out $750 to pay their bills without asking. The money didnt last too long as my bf was unemployed at the time and living off it.
After that he got his current job, which was great at first, but now he hates it and always comes home stressed and frustrated. He ended up needing knee surgery last year and while he was on bed rest his dad felt entitled to use his car and ended up totaling it on the highway. This caused stress for my bf to find another used car that didnt have any issues before he had to return to work. Not long after returning to work my bf found out that they had lost their bankruptcy since they missed too many payments. And a month or two later the house was going into foreclosure and they werent even going to tell anyone. As you can imagine this made my bf even more stressed out and very depressed. Somehow they managed to avoid forclosure, with $800 from my bf which was all of the savings we had. And not long after that someone rearended my bfs new car while he was dropping off a coworker and totaled that one. So again, he had to search for another car.
He decided to buy from a used dealer this time as he had no credit and decided it was in our best interest to start building some if we hoped to get him out of this house(his dad is not allowed to touch this car). He works nearly 60 hours a week and pays for everything for himself except rent. He pays his car payment, car insurance, phone bill, food, pet expenses and anything else on his own. He goes to work, comes to my house and only goes home to sleep/take care of his pets. His pets are another concern of ours since whenever hes not home his parents let his dog, a husky, loose. They never help, they just call him to let him know and then sit at home while we search. Theyve also bred his dog twice behind his back because they wanted the money from it.(he finally got her spayed so this cant happen anymore). Also when I was on better terms with his parents they allowed me to have a few rabbits on their farm. They got some as well to breed. At first I took care of ours and they took care of theirs, but eventually they started having me take care of theirs cause they were lazy. Especially in bad weather, if I didnt they would neglect them and i couldnt have that. I didnt mind at first but now if I only take care of mine they give my bf shit. And recently they didnt have the money to buy theirs food and i ended up having to use ours for a week to feed theirs. They said theyd pay us back for it and never did. My parents agreed to let me move my rabbits to my house, so im hoping that will resolve this, but im not sure if it will make things worse.
Recently they decided to let his niece and her baby and bf move in. His niece and her father have both stole from my bf before, and we dont know her bf, so he decided to start keeping his bedroom door locked whenever we arent there. This pissed off his dad because he cant handle not having full control. But my bf also has cats that stay in his bedroom and they never shut the door all the way and hes sick of it. They also ended up with a large electric bill and are trying to throw it on my bf saying he constantly has his ac on even though hes never home. They always have the washer/dryer running and have 4 refridgerators/freezers, plus his brother home gaming all day, but want to blame my bf. We're planning on removing his ac in the next couple of days to break their arguement.
Anytime they have any sort of disagreement with my bf they threaten to kick him out or force him to pay rent, which he cant afford on top of his other bills. I cant work fulltime as Im still in school and struggling to graduate, but a weekend job wouldnt be enough to get him out of there. I cant stand seeing my bf put up with this and honestly I dont know how long I can put up with his parents behavior before I explode on them. It just feels like we're stuck in a hole and keep digging ourselves deeper and deeper. We're living paycheck to 4-5 days before his next paycheck and it feels like we're never going to get out of this situation. We fantacize about when I graduate and can hopefully get a better paying job. The stress of his family and work put a strain on our relationship because he sometimes takes it out on me. He realizes and apologizes but it does cause some fights. Im sorry for the rant I just feel so helpless. Any advice would be apprieciated on how to get out of this situation or deal with the stress.
It’s really important that you look at your BF’s upbringing and role models, and living conditions that he accepts and is used to. This is going to be your life.
He’s working 60 hours per week and can’t pay any housing costs? Something’s wrong here...
Be with a man who can take care of himself, financially AND shows he has the ability and means to take care of the woman he loves.