How to find a partner
LYDIA DINGA - Oct 12 2018 at 09:54
Embarrassing question but need advice. I am 26 years old and still single. My friends are getting married or having babies and I can't even get a date. I have always been insecure about my Looks, body as I am quite overweight and have big teeth almost horse like.
I overcompensate by pretending to be super confident but I have very low self esteem. I am scared nobody will ever want to date me long term as they can see through my insecurities and I get gratification from my youtube subscribers to make me feel good about myself. But then I remember that it's not me they like its the image I portray.
My exes are happy and have found love and I secretly resent them for it and have tried subtley to destroy their relationships.
I am thinking to turn to casual sex as it can get quite lonely at night down there. Help?
I'll start by saying, I did do a quick google search of your username, and if the person who came up is you - you really have nothing at all to worry about! But anyway, I am going to just assume that is not you, and give no thought to what you might look like or how you might act.
Anyway, so being single... Look, I know it sucks sometimes. I know it's lonely sometimes. And there are plenty of people who I see getting laid and being in relationships that seem like they hardly deserve it. But being intimate with people - whether it's serious or not - has its downsides, too. Most encounters simply do not last, and there are plenty of times where you'll just end up disappointed or hurt. It can take putting in a lot of time and effort to meet people, too. At times you'll find yourself unwilling to go through the long and arduous effort of giving an introduction of yourself to the other person, or making small talk. And once you are eventually in a relationship...well, those take a lot of work to make last, and new problems inevitably come up to the plate. Simply put, there are benefits to avoiding the headaches and heartaches of searching for and maintaining companionship, and sometimes it can be more freeing and give you a chance to focus on yourself whenever you aren't involved with anyone.
It's okay to try to project yourself a certain way, if you want to. But realize that everyone has their own insecurities. Most people understand this, and are willing to accept the insecurities of their partner, or to help build them up. At least one thing you can count on is that in a lasting relationship your partner will like you for who you are, and not care that you are a bit quirky and imperfect. Put forth your best version of yourself, but don't try to make yourself someone you are not - that is your best bet.
The way you are looking at things with your exes is wrong. You know, you have to let go of it, that's all in the past now. You probably weren't right for each other, and that is the main reason why you separated. They weren't meant to stay with you, and you weren't meant to stay with them. Maybe you should just be happy for them and not look at things like your own happiness is the only happiness that matters. It takes some time to get over certain people, I know. But it's not really worth it spending your life holding grudges and worrying about what everyone else is doing. Focus on yourself instead.
To give you a little perspective, I'm 30 and haven't been in an actual relationship in 3 years. I have gone on dates with less than 10 people in my life, have been intimate with only 5; of those 5 only did the deed more than 1 time with 4 of them, and only talked to 1 of them for more than a month's length of time - the only person who I ever managed to be in a lasting relationship with so far. Dating is not easy, and hasn't gotten any easier in modern times. Women and men both experience their own pressures and difficulties in the dating world, and the hookup world. And 26 years old is still pretty young - if I think I'm still not too old, you are definitely not too old.
You should focus on doing things you like to do. Go places you like to go. Put yourself first. And you will likely meet people who are interested in similar things as you. If you want someone different, then maybe mix things up and go to different places than you usually would. There's also certainly nothing wrong with strolling the mall, grocery store, park or main street and seeing what kinds of people you run into.
Find your own beauty - inner and outer - and project that. Find someone who appreciates that and who you can also appreciate. I'm sure you'll find someone who will be a good match for you.
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