My brother is six years older than me and he acts like I don’t exist, I’m now 37 and can’t understand why he acts this way. He is now successfully influencing my parents and family so that everybody is mean to me. He thinks it’s the only way I’m going to ‘learn’ how hard life is.
I think he holds some resentment regarding me and the way my parents treat me. He thinks my parents have babied me too much throughout my life and that they should be tough on me, not helping me in anything. He always says people shouldn’t help me and they shouldn’t trust me because I’m a blabber.
Truth is, he’s a compulsive liar and much of what he has achieved in life is through lies, I’m a very sincere and honest person and he hates that I might blab something about his life. Even when I was a child some of my friends were wary of me because their brothers where friends with my brother and he told them to be careful with me. He was afraid I would learn something about his mischiefs and tell my parents. I was a child, he could have just told me to keep things a secret, instead my friends always kept me at distance regarding some things.
Now here’s my issue, up until the last two years I’ve been quite a successful person, never gave my parents any problems. I was a good student, I finished university quickly and have been working ever since. I’ve had my ups and downs at life but apart from helping me buy a house and set it up, which they’ve also done for my brother, my parents have never gotten out of their way to help me. They have been kind though and shown availability.
I have been out of work for the last two years and that’s when the issues started. My brother is extremely successful at his career and lately he can’t even look at me. This year for the first time, he didn’t invite me to one of my nieces birthday party I guess it’s because he is only friends with high powered people and I assume is ashamed of my unemployed status. He judges me and hates everything I am, cheery, happy (until a few years ago), bubbly, honest, kind. He is now influencing everyone around me to be nasty to me, specially my parents. Because of his success they are blinded by everything he says and keep repeating that my problem is that they’ve always been too nice to me and that I need toughness. Truth is, since my parents have become mean to me, I’ve become deeply depressed and it doesn’t help when it comes to finding a job.
What should I do about this family dynamics?
Sounds like you and your brother have a deep seated conflict in personality makeups. If you look back to your childhood, it was probably there, too.
He hates your easy going style because he is so the opposite.
What to do? Probably nothing.
Do everything you can to take care of yourself and not ask anything of your family. Have your own relationship with your parents.
Find your own serenity without needing aporoval from him. Seek out others who enjoy your personality and lifestyle.