Can we go from swinger's to being only us again?
I have been married to my true love for 20 years and together 30. I love this man with all my heart and I don't want to loose him. After being married for a few years we got into the swinger's lifestyle. It took me a bit to be OK with it because I didn't understand why my husband said he wanted to watch me with other men. We have been swinger's for about 10 years or so now and I want to stop and just be with my husband and only him with me, but he doesn't feel the same.
In so many ways he is hurting me on a day to day base. He is always on Facebook in naughty groups and sexting them. Saving naked pic of women on his phone. I have asked him to stop but he doesn't. He has told Me he has to watch porn before we have sex because it gets him in the mood. I don't know what to do. We aren't having sex like we use to. It always starts the same with me sucking his cock and then right to the main event. Great for him but for me feeling frustrated and full of rage. I never even get touched or sometimes I never even get my clothes off. I want to scream. I don't know how much more I can take. I love him so so very much but I hate him all at once. I need help. What do I do?
Wow - counseling is in order to re- frame your long- standing lifestyle.
Swinging only works when both partners agree on all the rules of the game.
In the beginning we both agreed, but after 10 years of it i want it to be just us again. We are getting older and to tell you the Truth if we don't have a third person or watch porn we dint get very far in the bedroom. He might get off but never takes the time to make sure I'm good. I will go weeks or months with out getting off. I'm sick of just doing it myself.
May I ask your ages?
The older female does take longer to bring to orgasm. Have you shared this with your OB/GYN?
So yes, “prepping” yourself before being together might be considered. It would be great if he would help, but don’t count on it.
I'm 42 and he is 47. What do you mean by prepping yourself beforehand
Warming yourself up before - since he is not doing that good enough.
Look, your sexual relationship is topsy turvey. Find a therapist who offers help in sexual relationships.
I agree, you need counselling - if he is willing.
Is the rest of your relationship, outside the bedroom ok?
Seems like all the sexual boundaries have become blurred. You say you agreed to the swinger at first but also say it took you a while to be ok with it - so honestly were you ever ok with it? or did you go along with it to please him?
He is being very selfish about this in my opinion. What's the point of a sex life that only suits him. That's just going to breed more and more resentment in you and even if the rest of the relationship is ok now - it won't stay that way if this continues.