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Poly woes, 2 men

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ok, I have a bit of a doozy of a conundrum. So lets break it down.

1. I am a polyamorous woman in a relation with a poly man we both love each other incredibly and he is my life partner. I cant see life with out him, and the poly has only made our relationship stronger. I was in fact late to the party with this, he had been poly for years and i made him monogamous for the first years of our lives together, but after teary nights where i thought i was going mad, i finally confessed all the feeling i had been having about another man, and not in a i want to leave you way more a i love you but i love him an this is weird way. He told me he understood and we would take baby steps to explore things, we did do and now we are happier and stronger in our relationship.

2. Said man who caused this upheaval, Is aware, because i went out and confessed my want to - quote - jump his bones. He politely declined, being in a relationship (monogamous) of his own. We since then have become incredibly close. There is a definite love we both have for each other. He has helped me through some life rubbish and i have helped him. Ultimately we are bonded. and he kinda has become my best friend

3. His partner does not like me or my partner, or in fact any of our friend group and has been known to refuse the best friend time to come out with us all socially.

4. He is now in the process of moving with her to somewhere new, because she has a job. He has a career goal that he seems to be giving up to leave with her. But its apparent he will be going, mainly as far as i can tell because she wants to.

5. He has become decidedly more flirtatious as the inevitable leave date. More touchie feelie, with text messages and extra hugs and other numerous opportunities that have arose. I mean i am not complaining but as there were boundaries laid by him early on about his feelings to what we do and don't have, to have the sudden invitation on things is a little confusing

My partner has referred to what we have is a relationship where we clearly are both in love but due to the other mans partner its completely asexual. But im unsure that we are not just one drunken night from changing that.
I don't want to loose his friendship, he is a lot more important to me than risking a drunken fumble. But both of us clearly know there is an attraction and the only thing that is stopping him and me is his girlfriend. In fact our mutual social group have already assumed we are in a relationship.
Could i become his girl in another port?.

Poly woes, 2 men

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Hi Poli,

I find it most surprising that this man is willing to give up his career plans for his lady. Either he really loves this woman and is willing to uproot for her, or else he is going along for some other reason; kids, financial stability, or maybe he is just plain p*ssy-whipped.

The time is ticking down until the inevitable leave date. If you want to experience this guy, maybe now is the time to have a serious talk with him and find out if it's possible to get what you are looking for. Understand that he might really love his partner and not want to be more than flirty friends. But maybe there's a chance he and she aren't on the same page, and he might realize this and shift gears to pursue a life of his own, and maybe even you.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?