My mother is becoming a problem and I’m getting really depressed
Let me start by writing the following, I’m not the perfect son, I did a lot of mistakes and to my knowledge I tried to fix and/or apologise for what I did.
I’ve always been a happy bloke but recently I’ve been feeling like crap. I’m on the verge of letting lose on some kind of drug or else just flat out runway. I don’t know how to help myself.
So, my mom is a workaholic and I never really had that relationship with her like in the movies, but that didn’t bother me. I know that she just wants to provide for us (me and my bro). But lately I’m getting really pissed, everything I do is bad EVERYTHING but the real problem is that she adores my brother (older) cause of it was her character I’d understand but to see her praise my brother and then criticise me is awful. Recently i completely changed my career path and instead I’m focusing on an entirely different field (from doctor to a businessman) but instead of showing some support since I started taking a course, I get the words “if you keep heading down this road, you’ll end up living outside” and “your only good for sleeping, eating and not much else” imagine a 16 yro kid going to school with that thought. Sometimes I really wish that instead of buying nice things for me (I have the latest phones and the latest things), but I would get rid of everything that I have to here the words “good job” or at least some appreciation. Talking to her is pointless, she just ridiculous my feeling and/or starts shouting. Boy o boy I hate the
shouting, when she comes at home I get chills, cause either this is bad or that and even if I do everything the way she wants, she manages to find something to shout about. Everything I say seems irrelevant to her or pointless and the worst is she’s completely oblivious of her favouring my brother, he’s 21 years old and lives a rich life to the point were he literally doesn’t know how to live on his own (sometimes I’m sad that he doesn’t know hoe to be independent).
My brother is really spoiled by my grandma, and I mean spoiled to the point that if he doesn’t get what he wants he’ll start destroying my grandmas house (he lives with her for the obvious reasons) but my mom thinks I’m the one who doesn’t appreciate money and instead of spending loads of it, like my brother, I try to save. And I’m also sad that my grandma is in that situation, she can’t really help herself because if she stops giving money to my bro, he acting like a child and if she talks to my mom, my mom would ridicule her or else starts shouting the words “you always say that, it’s an exaggeration”
And my father, he hates my guts because I do not help in the family business and my brother does and for that reason my father criticises my life. But at least I appreciate that ones in a while he’ll congratulate me and doesn’t explode when i talk with him unlike my mother.
My mom’s attitude is really destroying her relationship with my father and me, because the last couple of months you can’t really talking with her since she starts shouting or else she makes you feel like you’re a waste. And I don’t know why because business seems to be going awesome (even though I don’t work in the business, I take interest in what’s happening, I just don’t want to and really don’t know how to contribute).
I really feel useless in my family, since I have always been a dreamer with a lot of goals, hearing words like “you’ll never make it” really destroys my spirit. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I feel like a waste in the eyes of my mom. She blames me for everything bad that happens as well , I’m not really an emotional person but sometimes I feel like destroying everything In sight because of the anger that I have.
I just wanted to write this post because I really needed to express my feelings and also share my experience. Sorry for my horrible sentence construction. If someone has any ideas, I’m open to discussion.
Hello. My name is Kevin. I've struggled with codependency, including compulsive people-pleasing, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. For years I basically didn't know how to handle life well, and for the past few years I've had tools that have been working. In fact they are tools that have worked for lots of people. I've been working the 12 Steps of Codependents Anonymous. It's searchable on Google. Also, after getting to Step 12, I've also practiced the following principle: We offered forgiveness to those who had hurt us. I've been meditating pretty much by saying out loud, to myself, some of Jesus the Chosen One's words. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. Thanks for reading this.
May peace be with you,
Age is 16, felling better now that I’ve read what I posted and that I ‘let it all out’ but I defiantly work harder on the situation. :-| (A)