My mother is becoming a problem and I’m getting really depressed
Let me start by writing the following, I’m not the perfect son, I did a lot of mistakes and to my knowledge I tried to fix and/or apologise for what I did.
I’ve always been a happy bloke but recently I’ve been feeling like crap. I’m on the verge of letting lose on some kind of drug or else just flat out runway. I don’t know how to help myself.
So, my mom is a workaholic and I never really had that relationship with her like in the movies, but that didn’t bother me. I know that she just wants to provide for us (me and my bro). But lately I’m getting really pissed, everything I do is bad EVERYTHING but the real problem is that she adores my brother (older) cause of it was her character I’d understand but to see her praise my brother and then criticise me is awful. Recently i completely changed my career path and instead I’m focusing on an entirely different field (from doctor to a businessman) but instead of showing some support since I started taking a course, I get the words “if you keep heading down this road, you’ll end up living outside” and “your only good for sleeping, eating and not much else” imagine a 16 yro kid going to school with that thought. Sometimes I really wish that instead of buying nice things for me (I have the latest phones and the latest things), but I would get rid of everything that I have to here the words “good job” or at least some appreciation. Talking to her is pointless, she just ridiculous my feeling and/or starts shouting. Boy o boy I hate the
shouting, when she comes at home I get chills, cause either this is bad or that and even if I do everything the way she wants, she manages to find something to shout about. Everything I say seems irrelevant to her or pointless and the worst is she’s completely oblivious of her favouring my brother, he’s 21 years old and lives a rich life to the point were he literally doesn’t know how to live on his own (sometimes I’m sad that he doesn’t know hoe to be independent).
My brother is really spoiled by my grandma, and I mean spoiled to the point that if he doesn’t get what he wants he’ll start destroying my grandmas house (he lives with her for the obvious reasons) but my mom thinks I’m the one who doesn’t appreciate money and instead of spending loads of it, like my brother, I try to save. And I’m also sad that my grandma is in that situation, she can’t really help herself because if she stops giving money to my bro, he acting like a child and if she talks to my mom, my mom would ridicule her or else starts shouting the words “you always say that, it’s an exaggeration”
And my father, he hates my guts because I do not help in the family business and my brother does and for that reason my father criticises my life. But at least I appreciate that ones in a while he’ll congratulate me and doesn’t explode when i talk with him unlike my mother.
My mom’s attitude is really destroying her relationship with my father and me, because the last couple of months you can’t really talking with her since she starts shouting or else she makes you feel like you’re a waste. And I don’t know why because business seems to be going awesome (even though I don’t work in the business, I take interest in what’s happening, I just don’t want to and really don’t know how to contribute).
I really feel useless in my family, since I have always been a dreamer with a lot of goals, hearing words like “you’ll never make it” really destroys my spirit. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I feel like a waste in the eyes of my mom. She blames me for everything bad that happens as well , I’m not really an emotional person but sometimes I feel like destroying everything In sight because of the anger that I have.
I just wanted to write this post because I really needed to express my feelings and also share my experience. Sorry for my horrible sentence construction. If someone has any ideas, I’m open to discussion.
May I ask your age?
Sounds like there are major personality differences in the home. It’s difficult to live with workaholics - they think everyone should be up to their standard. It being a family business really complicates things.
You say you have changed majors to business. So you DO have something to offer in the family business and have a good model to follow on how to manage a successful enterprise. Can you work in the office, there?
Stop focusing/ comparing yourself on your brother. His defects and talents will be revealed in time. If he is incompetent, that will soon be revealed.
You must find someone else to give you praise and to mentor you. Do you hsve an eldetly relative or friend who can offer that kind of support? Of course, you have to deserve compliments and praise for hard work.
Your English was perfect and you seem very bright - and a person with your own drive and energy. Those are the positive gifts from your mother. Look around and take the good from your situation.
Hello. My name is Kevin. I've struggled with codependency, including compulsive people-pleasing, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. For years I basically didn't know how to handle life well, and for the past few years I've had tools that have been working. In fact they are tools that have worked for lots of people. I've been working the 12 Steps of Codependents Anonymous. It's searchable on Google. Also, after getting to Step 12, I've also practiced the following principle: We offered forgiveness to those who had hurt us. I've been meditating pretty much by saying out loud, to myself, some of Jesus the Chosen One's words. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. Thanks for reading this.
May peace be with you,
Age is 16, felling better now that I’ve read what I posted and that I ‘let it all out’ but I defiantly work harder on the situation.
You will probably change major selections several times before you attend university - and even your first two years. So relax and take in all the rapid changes in what life has to offer.
Try not to be so intense. That’s one of your mother’s defects - rigidity and overly structured.
Easy does it.