Boyfriend falling out of love with me. Help..
WEDNESDAY00 - Oct 21 2018 at 19:30
So, I'll try to make this as sort as possible so it's not so much to read through but I need advice mainly about a healthy sex life.
So my current relationship of 4 years (our anniversary was 2 days ago) is good, but in the last 2 years, it has kind of felt stagnant.
When we first started dating, we were a lot more energetic and free spirited of course, he was 19, I was 17, we're about 2 and a half years apart in age, and at first we had a great sex life with each other, we engaged in it a lot, multiple times each day. Keep in mind, I did just lose my virginity to him as well so that might have been why I was feeling super sexual a lot, and he is also just a type of guy with a high sex drive anyway.
So at that time, it was great, we had that and we had a lot of fun together, he was also a sort of social butterfly.
But when I moved into his parents house with him, his sister and two older brothers and started working at the same job with him and also both of his older brothers worked there as well, he started getting very controlling and jealous, he pretty much made it to where I could not look at any of the men at all or even be seen talking to any of them or else he would later interrogate me on if I was "checking out" one of them or flirting with them so I pretty much just started walking around with my head down and eyes on my feet when other men were around, I would get so angry on the inside if I accidentally laid a glance on a different man and would then immentiatly look at my boyfriend to see if he saw and of course he did because he was always watching me.
So for the rest of the work day he would just give me dirty looks and since I was at work I couldn't do anything but just sit there and feel bad when really I didn't do anything harmful..
Eventually we got to the point where we both didn't talk to anyone at work and since it was quite obvious, everyone at work noticed and stopped talking to us as well.. we eventually had no friends, at work and even outside of work and even on social media, I had to delete and block any ex boyfriends and delete any men, and talking to any men online or even in person is kind of still unacceptable for me.. oh I also forgot to mention that when that all started, he has also controlled the way I dress, I cannot ever wear any shorts unless they go all the way down to my knees or if I wear thick leggings underneath and all tops must cover up to my collar bones. I mean I never dressed like a "slut" but I do live in Texas so if you know how hot is gets here for most of the year, regular shorts should be acceptable. But I'm not even talking about booty shorts where your ass hangs out, just regular length shorts, but any shorts are called booty shorts to him, and I hate all of this.
I used to have friends, i used to have a style, I used to be confident in myself, I used to be passionate about my hobbies, but now, all of that has disappeared.
Also he always brings up how when we first started dating I never showed him anything and how I'm not into playing intrusments or immersed into politics like him, but my interests are more into video games, graphic novels, art, music and fashion but he still judges me on how I'm not into the things he's into, and then compares me to a girl he once dated who was paid by the government, monthly, because her dad died from agent orange in Vietnam but since she was pretty much paid to go to school, she had no job, only school and money to take him out to the city to coffee shops, book stores, buying food and cooking things and buying art supplies and instruments too. Me? I always wanted to try to learn guitar or drums but I didn't have anyone to fund that or teach me, the only instrument I ever learned was the flute because I joined band in jr high, but of course I tell him that and he says it's a lame instrument.. thanks..
So today I am 20 and he is 23, we just got into a bad argument yesterday because since I went to work on our anniversary day and he had the day off, I did bring him some of his favorite things to eat and drink from where I work since there wasnt much i could do being at work, but during my whole work day and drive home i kept thinking about what he might be surprising me with, maybe at least some flowers? Since he's also a type of guy who doesn't care about birthdays either, he doesn't really celebrate or make a big deal of anything, so I thought, well if he doesn't really care about my birthday maybe he'll at least just celebrate our 4 years of being togther, this is also the longest relationship for both of us. But when I get home and present him with what I brought him, he said thank you while sitting down at the computer and didn't even stand to hug or kiss me, just went back to watching his political videos on YouTube, and I looked around and he didn't even clean or tidy up our room, bed is all messed up, there is dog hair on the carpet, dishes in the room and the computer desk is also covered in stuff.. he did nothing but wake up, make himself some coffee and watch political YouTube videos all morning till I got home.. I am heartbroken and filled with disappointment like this for almost every holiday and event.. just to get flowers for a birthday or valentines day (oh yeah, were in a relationship and he always says he hates valentines day) I have to ask or complain that I didn't get any..
And you know he doesn't even need to necessarily buy them for me, going outside to pick a small handful to present to me would even safice.. but like, I also can't even get this guy to go drive down 1 block to CVS to grab me some medicine when I'm feeling sick, I have to go buy it myself, I've also helped him buy his first car, and his first motorcycle which I paid 3/4ths for, and i also buy all the groceries for us and we have two animals, a dog and cat and I pay for everything for them as well.
And nooowwwwww for the past 2 years my sex drive has also decreased as well, i feel like i don't enjoy it as much as i used to by far, i did also start the depo shot for birth control around a year after we started dating but aside from that, he still loves sex and I have not been very sexual over the last 2 years, and our argument yesterday was about how he did nothing for our anniversary and how he never does anything romantic or to "woo" me, and he says he used to me romantic but isnt anymore because he feels im never really into the sex anymore and never in the mood and also that im not into anything else sexual but he's only proposed anal and a threesome with another girl, but I don't like anal because it's to painful for me to enjoy and I don't want us having sex with anyone else. I am an extremely loyal person, yet I'm the one he's always accused of cheating but I've caught him messaging girls online about 3 separate times.. so I have no idea what to do.. he says our sex is so boring now that he would rather just watch porn. And that really hurts.. please, please help me.
I don't know if my poor sex drive is a result of my birth control treatment or from the way he's treated me along with regular stress from work and financial responsibilities or a combination of all of that. And whatever it is from, I don't know how to fix this. I don't want to leave him, I just want to make it better..
So this guy is about 4 years older than you, and let me guess, that probably led you to believe he was more mature, right? Well, I'll say that I haven't met too many really mature 23-year-olds, and usually most people reach a more acceptable level of maturity by their late 20's, probably around 26 or 27. The guy you've described seems pretty egotistical and thinks he knows a lot already. He does not.
You are young. Very young. At 20 years old, I think maybe you should be free to live the life you want to live and focus on developing as your own person. You said at the beginning of this thread that your relationship is "good", but "stagnant". I am not really seeing where the relationship is all that good, honestly. It sounds like you aren't really enjoying this relationship anymore, and that maybe it should have ended a while ago when you realized that you and your partner don't have much in common, or that you don't view relationships in the same way.
If I were you I would work towards ending things with him and try to find your own place or stay with your family. And don't let some rude 23-year-old know-it-all act like he understands life better than you.