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Love my boyfriend but feel bad I'm having doubts

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Hello everyone, I am new to this kind of thing but I'll try to explain my situation to the best of my ability.

So I met my boyfriend online at a vunarable moment of my life and three days after speaking over text we had a date, a week or so later we were boyfriend and girlfriend, it was a feeling of when you know you know they are the one.


So we had alot of fun together, spent alot of evenings together then after a while spent weekends together, I missed him everyday, couldn't wait to see him when I could, he made me feel special and like he understood everything I was going through at the time. Honeymoon phase they call it.

So after two years or so we moved in together, but my situation was purely a necessity as my dad was selling the house and at the time we both discussed what it would be like to live together and finally getting to do it, it was the best time ever, but I had never lived on my own before, never been in a relationship before this, all mostly met one day, gone the next.


I am not the most confident person and I'm insecure in myself and suffer from depression and anxiety, so does he, he has alot of issues, some I have helped with and others he can't really help, he has gotten abit better since, but there is only so much I can do when I don't feel comfortable in myself or my abilities.


The doubts I am having that I've had once or twice before and have spoken to him about them and decided to stay, but mostly because I felt scared of being alone, how'd I'd cope being alone and if I could ever hurt him as he's a nice, charming guy and helps me alot with stuff and had even helped me pick out clothing, he's encouraged me to look for a new job, even try getting into my hobbies again, just all around nice guy, doesn't pressure me neither.


But what I'm trying to get at is he has alot of problems some that he doesn't seem able to change and it's emotionally draining me and physically I'm tired and I sometimes enjoy it when he goes out and I'm home alone and I don't miss him like I used to, or have butterflies when I see him, I don't feel sexually attracted to him neither, like we don't do it as much as we used to if at all, mostly down to my choice and being insecure too, but I don't feel the urge to instigate it with him as he's unhygienic at times and when I tell him to do something he tends to make me feel guilty for asking him to so I've sorta given up abit now.


I've tried to explain my situation to the best of my ability but some parts are complicated and can't be put into words, so I'm torn between staying because I love him and he's nice and understanding towards me and my situation, or leaving him because I'm not in love with him, he's got alot of issues that I can't really help him with without sacrificing my own happiness and sometimes sanity.


Love my boyfriend but feel bad I'm having doubts

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Hi UniqueKitten,

So sometimes I think we take the non-confrontational route, either because it is easier or because we are worried about hurting someone and ending up worse off. A lot of the time it takes a while until people even realize they're not pursuing what's best for themselves, and they'll stick with something because they don't realize something better exists, or else they don't think they are able to do any better.

I think if you're discontent with the way things are, that's a good sign that you need to make changes in your life. You have realized you need something different in a relationship, and it seems like you are realizing that your current partner needs something different in his life as well. As it stands, you may be just enabling each other not to improve yourselves and take risks.

Is there a chance you could still make this current relationship work? Well, maybe. But in this case I would say, no. It seems that you've already definitely reached the conclusion that you are unhappy in this relationship, even if your partner might not have just yet. Relationships have to go both ways, they can't be one-sided. If one partner says it's done, it's done for them both. You will only make life harder for you both by trying to stretch yourself thin and maintain something that has concluded.

Now that doesn't mean you couldn't somehow remain friends. But I also haven't seen too many instances where people who have dated seriously keep in touch. I think it's normal to want to branch off and seek the life each of you want on your own following a break-up. I do know of a few people who've maintained friendships with some exes, though usually these were more short-term dates than anything. But everyone is different, and I'm sure that some people have maintained friendships after the break-up - just know that things won't be the same with this person and your friendship will become less intimate and more based around some shared interest or small talk. You won't see each other as much as you pursue different lives.

Sooner or later people have to face their own problems and find motivation to change and seek out what they want.

Love my boyfriend but feel bad I'm having doubts

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You admit that this relationship was too quick and came at a vulnerable time for you. But you aren’t the same person you were then.

Plus, you have listed some reasons to move on. ( The hygiene issure would be a deal breaker for me)

You have discovered that you CAN be alone and even quite like it. And your last sentence makes a healthy statement about the importance of your own self- protection.

Give yourself permission to do what you think needs to be done.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-2