I keep getting into huge arguments with my mother, what to do
I am a 24 year old man who lives with his parents. Currently, I am on leave from university due to private reasons and in our day to day life, I keep getting into arguments with my mother and it feels like as time goes on, I am starting to feel more and more miserable, sometimes I even contemplate doing something drastic or extreme but I know for a fact the idea I have will not help at all.
For me, I love my mother, I feel that I genuinely owe her for raising me so much from birth until the man I am now and it would have been impossible if it were not for her. It's just that..as I reach adulthood, I can not help but maybe notice how we keep getting into more unpleasant arguments.
Even if she is my mother, I hate how I feel that she will always and forever view me as her child, as she herself admits but wont change her view on, I do wish she would leave me alone at times. I also hate how she can often get ridiculously petty on some issues like how I did not want to go along with her offer to exercise in swimming pool even though I explained that I have shin splints, and instead of maybe trying to understand, she got irritated and went how even if it were any other day, I would have said no anyway and refused to talk to me, which feels like a hissy fit. Nearing the end of the stressful day, I would also feel that she would easily blow up on me and about what she thinks are my flaws or about the stuff she wishes I never do ever again. I particularly feel angry when it feels that I am becoming somebody else's outlet for their anger and stress on me in general. Finally from my point of view too, it feels like she never admits her own errors and gets irritated at me whenever I try to point out her error, no matter how justified. For this I have been branded as the child who keeps denying what my parents say and this leads into more arguments. In summary, it feels like I am not dealing with my mother, a guardian figure, pillar and someone I look up to, but...somebody who is annoying, keeps nagging and does not want to leave me alone ever who insists on seeing me as below her yet refuses to change.
Perhaps her anger at me in general is justified because I am not exactly the model of a good son either, I am a bit selfish, lazy, keep feeling progressively irritated if I have to do progressively more chore, a procrastinator and there's also the underlying reason on why I am on leave from university to begin with, which is a source of concern and worry in general. Nevertheless, I want a harmonious life, yet also want my own space, independence and freedom, and it does bother me that I might not ever get it unless I start living on my own. One of the, admittedly disturbing, recurring thoughts that keep popping up about this is how once I live by myself independently, I will refuse to have anything to do with my mom and she will learn to swallow the bitter pill whether she likes it or not and she can not expect anything from me after that. It is a rather disturbing thought when I remember it. At the very least, arguing like this with my mother is causing me no end of grief and I wonder if my mind will break first before I even go back to university.
Obviously I dont know the whole situation but it sounds like your mum wants to spend time with you / is interested in you and whats going on. Thats typical of a lot of parents as they love their children and are interested in how they are. Maybe if you offer to do some things with your mum some times she will appreciate it and get off your back at a later point when you'd rather be alone -- offer to watch tv with her, go for a walk, ask about her day etc. Offer to cook a meal or help out in a way youre not already expected to. This will make her happy and will probably get you more leeway in the future.
Its good that you can see your own faults (you should try to overcome them as much as possible where you can), if your mother cannot see her own then it can make things difficult, but try to be the bigger person if things are getting petty. Question whether arguments will improve the situation in any way -- if not maybe just try not to get into it.
As annoying as it may be, you will never really have as much independence or freedom when you're living with parents as you would living alone or with friends. Maybe just appreciate it for what it is now -- free accommodation? No bills? Free food? People who care about you? and you'll get the freedom and independence a bit later on!