So I use to work out of the country and for the last 2 years I have since been home and staying with my parents.
This last year I haven't been happy. As in bad family drama and relationship issues. I just didn't feel this happiness any more here or in my life.
So as I figured out my life plan, I knew I needed to move out. I was then just talking about sticking close to a city near by then next fall move to larger city 4 hours away. My mom knew this was the plan. This current town wasn't my forever home.
Well over the weekend. I thought why wait and just try? So I applied to 2 mountain towns near to the city i wanted to officially move too.
I put in my resumes and thought okay maybe like 2 or 3 weeks or even a month before they would reach out.
Well today, I had both daycares reach out to me for interviews. Which I was shocked. I honestly didn't expect such a quick response. Usually I hunt for weeks or months in this town I am in now.
I was excited and messaged my mom thinking she would support me and be happy. But instead she had such anger towards me. She questioned it like I had this hidden agenda. She thought i was gonna stay here longer and she eventually wanted to open a business with me. Which was never my plan to stay here anyways.
I explained that it's just an interview and there is no harm to take it. That I want to see what there daycares are like. I feel like there is no harm or commitment taking the interview. Well she doesn't see it like this.
So I got home from work. She wouldn't greet me. I asked if she was still upset and she responds with what why? But in this rude tone.
Now I have this guilt and question if I should even bother going.. Btw. I am 28, 29 next month and I am feeling this way. Pathetic right
Any tips? Am I doin harm by looking at my options? And why do I feel the need to please my mom so badly.
I think you should go interviews, there is no harm in going to see if you like it. It would be nice to have your mums support and in the end hopefully she'll come round. It sounds like you've always been open and honest about where you will live and work in the future and not necessarily go into business with her.
Has you always felt like you needed to please her?
I thought today maybe she would be good again. Well nope. She wouldn't greet me at all. We got locked out and finally she heard me ring the doorbell or call. And she just opens it in such a grumpy way. Then doesn't even say anything
I was like oh we got locked out to see if she would respond me. Then I said are you still grumpy with me? And she stomps off to her room, I'm just really having a bad day..
It really just hurts.
I feel like no body tries to please me. But I need to always please them.
Yes I said I'd move to a city 30 mins away but honestly, going for an interview is never a harmful thing! I just wish she would get this. Doesn't mean I'm moving tomorrow. Its an interview. Get my name out there and see if I even like these daycare centers. She said she just didn't expect me to go so soon? I don't know what she wants. I'm already turning 29.. I need my space.
I feel like yes. We have always done Every thing her way to make her happy cause if not she essentially asks like a witch until she gets what she wants. Like she is doing now.
Your mother is running a guilt trip on you. She controls you all with her anger.
Children don’t want mama to be angry so they try to please her. Only it’s never enough. It will never be enough for as long as she lives.
You owe it to yourself to be an independent woman. And go into adult relationships , hopefully not to please other people, but to get nutured and supported like you desire.
Get a job and move out . ASAP.
She will be OK, guaranteed.
You are 110% right. She is like this always and in all situations to all of us. Usually we back down and give her what she wants.
It is now Wednesday and she has spoken to me since I told her. So it's like a stab in the heart. I leave tomorrow right after work. And I don't even know how to tell her. She clearly doesn't care. Any advice there? Text her?
I am trying to break away from these relationships and build that independent life I want. I am tired of relying on others.
Oh, she cares, alright. But for hersekf, not what’s best for you.
Just give her the information so no one will worry about you when you don’t come home at regular time. But you must work up the courage and do this in person. Just don’t let HER have control of the conversation.
“I will be late tomorrow, be home about 7.”
What are you doing?”
“I am letting you know that I will be late.”
“ Where, why ?? Blah, blah”
“ I will be late.”
End of discussion!
Detach, with love and calmness - but firm in your goals.
Thank you for the great advice as always.
I have thought to do this in person. But she's never up when I leave for work. And it's a 4 hour drive. So it's more like I'll be home Sunday.
I was thinking just to leave right from work and not even come home then just send a text.
But I can come home and say I'm leaving and I'll be home Sunday. Then grab my bag and go.
Again, I am more worried about her heartless way and knowing that she won't respond to me. And that inside will eat me up.
She did this to me before. I was leaving for 6 months, she didn't wake up to say goodbye or even say love you 2. And it really hurt. That's the only reason why I thought not even to come home. Pack up and put my suitcase in the car before work then leave.
Like I feel this is simple because I am 28 and capable of being an independent woman. And its JUST an interview. But with her attitude now, I want to get the job and move. She doesn't support me but wants me here so I can support and do as they want when they need.
I feel like my personal life is full of toxic relationships. I need to change things up or else i am gonna go crazy.