Everything going wrong
Everything is all going wrong and I feel as if bad luck is following me around wherever I go. its all started with moving house a month ago. myself and husband have chosen the wrong house and its really getting me down. we are privately renting and we only looked at the house we are in once. we now realise we should of took another look because we would not of gone for it. there are so many jobs that need doing on it and the landlord wont do anything on it even thou she as a builder as a partner. she only lives 2 minutes away and we did not know this at the time if we did we would not have moved here at all. I am arguing about it with my husband over it nearly each day and the stress is really getting to me. now we have to wait 5 months before we can get out and look elsewhere. its all a mess. the other house we had was really nice and clean but we moved because the area wasnt very good. also it was my birthday a week after moving in and our 2 children came to see me and we all went for a meal but I got upset because of the house so it ruined my birthday and ruined the night out and I wasn't talking to my husband so it was all just a mess. we have another son and he didnt bother to get me a card or gift and didnt even send me a text message even thou he had sent one to my husband on my birthday about something. he done the same on mothers day to, I got nothing of him. he finally sent me one at 12.01am after my birthday had finished to wish me all the best but it was to late. i think our youngest son told him to get intouch with me by text. I don't know what I have done. my husband said he will have a word but he hasn't send anything at all to him so I feel I have no support there. feel like I want to walk out and run away from this bad dream I feel I am but I have no where to go at all and no one to stay with. I feel so alone and I just cry everyday. I have no friends or family to turn to. my marriage as been a mess and I'm even thinking of divorcing my husband. I feel life cannot get my lower for me but I'm sure it will.
also I was going to go for a walk with my husband when he got home for work because we said we would and I did not know what time he would be home. he didn't even bother to say he will be abit late but on his way. he said he didn't text me because I would be accusing him of cheating because he was getting back late. he as been on date sites looked at porn in the past and had a text from a woman saying she was back from holiday, he denies he as ever cheated so i have my reasons he might be or as. I went for a walk myself and cried. I felt he didn't care enough just to call or text to say he will be a little late but still wants to go with me. he apologised but I told him he was selfish. he said he did not realise how long it would take him to get home but he as been driving on the motorways for years so i think this was a excuse. I'm all alone here in this horrid house and I'm looking for work but I just feel depressed everything that its all getting to me. he is a sales rep so he gets to drive away from here each day and can stay out as long as possible depending here he is going, etc, London, Cardiff, Birmingham etc I have to stay here
Lets break this down.
1. In the US you can break a lease if there is something unhealthy, or illegal with the living space. If things are that bad you can get a lawyer to negotiate a way out if the rental lease.
2. Is your son’s behavior something new or has this been a lifestyle of habits of his all his life to miss important dates for other people? He sounds forgetful or distracted rather than mean spirited. ( I have 4 adult kids. One “forgets” mothers day , my birthday and even missed his joint birthday party with other Oct birthdays last week. I wanted to tear his head off! When I cooled down, I called him and asked if he was OK and we all missed him. That started a civil conversation that ended OK. I don’t want anger between us. That stops the relationship. I never want the door to be shut on each other.
3. The whole family knows you are unhappy and they all seem to be walking on eggshells. Your husband probably knows this more than anyone. He sounds like a guy who thinks he’s never going to do anything right. He can’t win. Nothing you stated of his actions sounds like he’s cheating, but he might be avoiding time with you - cause he’s going to get complaints for conversation.
How can you two, as a couple, re- set your relationship? How can you re- focus your issues so you can create a plan for all the things you are facing? Perhaps counseling would help and provide a listening ear.
So do you think my husband should of said something to our son or say nothing. he said he was going to talk to him but he hasn't yet and I know he wont. he said, what do you want me to say to him. I think he should find out why he treats me the way he does and its been our daughter buying gifts for our son for mothers day, Christmas day in the past. i only found this out recently. i dont think its because hes so busy or forgets more like he doesn't care. he remembers his sisters, brothers and my husbands birthdays. i will not contact him at all and just let him stay intouch with my husband. I think I should of got some support from my husband but there you go, what does that say about our marriage. we have been to marriage counselling for years. we just go back with the same problems. I think hes cheating, the trust as gone, he lies. he took out a loan behind my back again after taking one out in January this year. said it was to pay bills, didn't want to tell me he said. he is in control of the money and as been for years because he is working and said what difference would it make if I took control of the money. he doesn't like it if I asked to see his bank account and gets all worked up if I ask. I should know where the money is going as im his wife and he shouldn't be taking loans out behind my back thinking its ok. he wonders why I don't trust him. i think truthfully part of me wants to really really leave him and get divorced the other part says to stay but i do have alot of hatred towards him and anger. your right when you say he is avoiding me and I know its because things are so bad and stressful that he doesn't want to come home, just like he didn't a month ago when he stayed out because of arguing. don't you think he should of at least of texted me to say he was going to be home late or do you think its because like you say he is avoiding me and doesn't want time with me. no wonder i feel so alone and isolated. we are sleeping separate at the moment and I stay down stairs watching tv whilst he stays upstairs on his phone and reading magazines. I really really wish I had somewhere to go I really do. I don't want to be here whatsoever, its like a nightmare. this morning he went out and got his breakfast at mcdonalds and there was only a tiny bit of milk left, he couldn't even be bothered to go and get some for me but he made sure he looked after himself but he as always been selfish. that's how bad things are now.
Yes, things sound very tense in your home. Your husband seems to be just as unhappy as you are. Only you can determine if you will be happy alone.
Try personal counseling first, then couples counseling. If you decide to separate, you will need to figure out how to do that. It will take communication, and that seems to be a real issue between you two right now.
Good luck. Your physical health is at stake unless you get this figured out.