Childhood issues & maintaining a relationship
Living with friends who had typical childhoods is making me look back at mine and get a bit angry.
I've been realising that my mother was emotionally abusive throughout my childhood and that this has come to affect me in certain ways.
I have no real friends as I moved around a lot as a child and now have issues making an effort with new people - so there's no one i can really talk to. My boyfriend just brushes over it when i try to speak to him -- he had a typical childhood so doesn't really have any idea of what to say.
The issue here is that i'm resentful of my mum. She called me horrible names since early childhood whenever we would argue -- 'bitch', 'nasty little cow' -- from the age of 6 i think. She would throw things at me during arguments, and really intimidate me by squaring up to me and screaming in my face. Now as an adult Im full of self-doubt and get anxious often.
I dont live at home anymore but i go back to visit my mum and siblings, and i love my mum, but i really resent her too and i do have a lot of stored up anger towards her.
I dont know how to keep her happy and mellow and get rid of my anger towards her - Any ideas anyone?
I think she might have narassistic traits , if you scearch on the internet it will come up.
I have a narc parent (my dad) and he was partially nasty to my brother and just reading through your thread,I think it would be a good idea to look it up! There is lots of info on the web to help.
You don’t mention your age or hers, but you may find out some information from her that could explain what happened during those years.
She may have been (or still exhibit) the behavior of a narcissist, bi-polar. Maybe she was/is depressed, sick, financially stressed, bad marriage, etc.
How was she raised? Often abused children will abuse others. Sometimes the abusing adult parent will pick just one child to take out their frustrations on.
I was able to forgive my parents for their behavior when I found out what happened to them as a child. No wonder they parented the way they did! They never had a model to follow!
Still, you are under no obligation to please or make your mother happy. That’s not your job. And don’t feel bad if you can only visit her when you feel up to it.
Your task now is to break this chain of behavior and become the type of person you want to be. Counseling would help.