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Relationship advice Sorry if I’m being too blunt. This is mainly for females that cheated, known females that cheated, or females in general.I’m not saying all females are cheaters. I’m looking for an answer to my question, again I’m not saying all females are not loyal cause guys are dogs as well.
I found out my fiancé of 13 yrs cheated on me. So I asked her how long you bin seeing him she tells me every Friday they hook up for a month. Till the following month she decided to have sex with him. So I asked her why? She told me she was plain stupid and alcohol had roll and being lonely.I also asked her if the guy had a big penis and had a better sexual encounter with him? Her response was “it doesn’t matter.” She never answered the question with a straight answer. What does it mean?

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Why is it that after 13 years, you two never married?

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No just engaged.

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We never thought of it. It was never on our minds as long we we’re together

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Of all the things you could have said or the questions you could have asked, you wanted to know “why” and if his penis big.

No wonder she is not talking to you!

Instead of finding out why she feels lonely and is drinking to blot out her feelings, you go to wanting her to tell you your penis is bugger.

Her remark that it “ doesn’t matter” and her shutting down verbally should make you wonder.

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We have talked about it even went to counseling, but I know there’s more to it. When ppl cheat Like she did hooking up with a person then having sex it’s premeditated. It’s not like she had a one night stand. She was seeing the guy for a month before actually having sex with him.

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So that’s gets me thinking on how can she throw 13 yrs down the drain for a guy that’s not up to her standards

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So sorry to hear that your fiance cheated on you MIRROROFSCREAMS. Maybe you could give your relationship some distance for now.

She probably has her regrets for cheating on you. So ask her if she wants to stay engaged or part and say farewell.

Ask her how she'd feel if it were the other way around

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Oh my dear man - you just aren’t getting it, are you?

Your fiance cheated because she is unhappy, even lonely. She told you that!

She started up an emotional relationship with another guy because something was missing in this “ engagement” - a non- event that has not moved forward in 14 years!

Her “affair” was not sexual at first. That means there was a friendship and emotional connection, the best way to start a relationship - and the biggest threat to what you two have. (If things were OK with you two, her eye would not have wandered.)

Then they became intimate. Natural for a man and woman who feel connected.

Issue is - you’ve got this all down to a threat on your sex organ. Instead of seeing this as a cry for attention and connection, you make it all about you.

Her remark that “It doesn’t matter” really means “ You’re not going to understand”

You might lose this gal if you don’t put down this emphasis on your penis size and, instead, try to work on repairing your connection with her.

Can you think of a way to do that?

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So why didn’t she take the intitative and say anything instead of leaving me high and dry. So was that an excuse to cheat on me instead of telling me straight out that’s pretty high schoolish don’t you think.

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Thirteen years is a long time to be in a relationship. Like a marriage being in a relationship is a two-way street communication is important.


Things went stale and she decided to stray. Ask her what she wants to do. Does she want to work on staying together or Leave You? Then you have to decide whether or not you want to stay.


I know this is hard to swallow after thirteen years, but you're only engaged not married.


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So, you ask her why. She tells you why. She's unhappy and lonely. You ignore that, and ask about your obvious insecurities instead of addressing the very serious things she told you. She said it doesn't matter, because it obviously doesn't. Her feelings don't matter to you, and that's clearly not a new development.

You asked her to marry you well over a decade ago, but actually marrying her never crossed your mind. Not once, in 13+ years.

Let me guess.... you had no clue she was unhappy. Or lonely. You had no clue how she felt, period. You feel blindsided, right?

She felt the need to find someone else to pay her some attention, because you don't care and can't be bothered. You do care about your ego, though. And that's why nothing she says, feels, or does matters. Because it doesn't.

She didn't handle it the best way, but this was her way of getting your attention. And now? After you ignored the one answer she did give you, she's wondering why she ever bothered in the first place.

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So your saying instead of breaking up with me to get my attention. She had to cheat on me? I don’t get it how is that right? Cheating on someone especially being with someone for that long is just an immature way to get someone’s attention. That only causes distrust, anger and guilt for even trusting her. But yet is condone in your eyes? Do all females think that way?

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Uhmmmm....

No. That's not what anyone is saying. Cheating is wrong. Nobody here is saying what she did is okay. You wanted to know why she said answering your questions doesn't matter. We've answered you. On both of your posts. But again- you aren't actually intetested. You wanted to know why. She told you. We told you. But again- you're not interested, nor looking to actually fix anything. You're looking for someone to tell you that you did nothing wrong and she should answer your questions about sex and penis size.

Relationships take two people. She was unhappy, and lonely. Obviously, you have your own shortcomings, as we all do. She should have tried to get you to realize how unhappy she was, or leave you. She made a bad decision. You still don't actually care how she feels, or how she ended up doing something so painful, or how to fix it. So what's the point?

I get that you're angry. But you are not blameless. If you're looking for someone to hold your hand and tell you she's evil because she won't tell you how you measure up in bed? Call your mother. Don't come to an open forum, claiming you want honesty.

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Ok thank you very much not the answer I’m looking for but this the reality check I was looking for. Make sure I’m all set with myself before I get into a relationship. In that note my mom passed away if not I would’ve asked her.

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Ok thank you very much not the answer I’m looking for but this the reality check I was looking for. Make sure I’m all set with myself before I get into a relationship. In that note my mom passed away if not I would’ve asked her.

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Sorry to hear about your mom. Truly. I hope you have someone close you can talk to. And yes. You should get yourself squared away before starting a relationship. Everyone should. Or, stay single.

I really am sorry she cheated on you and that you're hurt. Nobody deserves that, and that's not what anyone was implying. You came here with a lot of anger (understandable), and questions you don't really want the answers to. If you'd have asked different questions, you'd have gotten answers that may have been easier to hear. I hope you really do learn what you can from this, and are able to move on and be wiser going forward. You're the only one that can decide what this experience teaches you.

When it happened to me, it took some time to let go of the anger and betrayal. The marriage was over, but we were able to stop resenting each other and let each other go without anger. It wasn't easy, but I learned a lot about myself, and I'm better because of it.

My advice, whether you take ot or not:
Give yourself time to heal. Allow yourself to address what got you here. Reconnect with the people you trust. Rediscover things you enjoy doing on your own. Do whatever helps you let go of what hurts you.

Good luck.

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Thanks for hearing me out and the asnwer you gave me is the from experience. Thank you. ;-) (A)

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Of course. That's why we're here. I hope you are able to find some peace through all of this. ❤

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