I have a boyfriend, but still get bothered seeing someone I had a past with
I recently got into a new relationship, with a friend of four years. He is an amazing partner, and I genuinely have feelings for him.
However I feel guilty as I get extremely bothered when someone (will refer to him as boy a) I had dated (non-seriously), tags/posts his new girlfriend. Boy A was probably the first person I would have considered a future with, and I am not sure if this is why. I do believe I am over it, and I do not think about him or care about him until I see him tag or post his girlfriend. It's long over, but no other ex seems to have such an effect on me.
I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend about this as it seems so silly, and would just hurt his feelings. There is no chance of boy a and I even probably seeing each other/bumping into each other. Sometimes I think I put boy a on a pedestal because it was so non-serious and never got to know him properly.
How do I firstly stop being affected/is this a sign that I am not fully invested in my new relationship?
If your only connection is through social media, and it bothers you to see his activity there....
unfollow him. And move on, for real. No need to tell your boyfriend, as this is just normal human discomfort when seeing an ex showing someone else affection. I shared 24 years and still share two kids with my ex. We stay out of each other's private lives. IRL, and online. I highly recommend it.
So why was Boy A the first person you considered a future with? Why did you never get to know him better if you fancied him so much? And, adding on to Mamabear's response, why do you still keep track of what is going on in his life?
Flipping those statements on their head a bit now.... Why is your current boyfriend the person you are pursuing a future with? Why did you get to know your current boyfriend better and develop something with him? Why are you a part of his life?
It's hard to tell from your post just how long you had known Boy A, or how close you had gotten. Did you actually date for a while? And Boy A found someone else, does he seem happy with this new person? Are you happy with your person, or are you maybe still uncertain about it?
From my personal experience... I still wonder about some girls who I dated briefly, but who stopped talking to me pretty quickly and never got back in touch. I also still think about an acquaintance that I wanted to get to know better but who was never interested in talking more. I actually don't tend to think as much about my ex since I moved on from those years. I think when you see some sort of potential in someone you wonder what if, but when something has run its course it's easier to realize it didn't work out and move on from it.
If you're happy with your current boyfriend, that's what matters now.
Thank you for your responses.
Altreal - I dated him for 6 months, and I guess I never got to know him on a very deep level because I was so scared it was probably the real thing. We never broke up as we never were together, just slowly drifted and stopped talking. No hard feelings on either end, and I regretted not telling him how I really felt in pursuing something.
My current boyfriend was my friend for 4 years, which was a different scenario. I am happy with him.
I think you both are right, I probably should just delete boy A on fb, so I don't need to see his personal life online. I never did this before as I felt it would create tension for no reason.
Thanks for the advice!