My boyfriend is moving away and doesn't want me to come. My heart is breaking :(
I met my boyfriend 5 months ago now. When we first met he told me he was going to be moving to Japan to teach English, so it is something I have known for the entire relationship. He wants to go to be able to see what kind of life he can make for himself, and who he is without family and friends. He has always had friends and family around him all the time to do things for him and has not done much travelling or things on his own. Originally he didn't have a date but now he is going to leave at the beginning of January.
Although the time we have spent together has been short, we haven't spent more than about 3 days apart in that time. We went to Paris at the beginning of this month (his idea) and he told me, under the Eiffel Tower that I am his "person". I also have this feeling. We are so connected and we fit together really well in every aspect. We have become incredibly close and he says he has never felt so much himself around anyone in his life, ever.
His longest relationship has been 6 months and he's nearly 28. I'm 30 next month. I am so in love with him and can't see being with anyone else, I feel like we are meant to be together! An issue he does have is that he avoids thinking about the impending departure, so he has not really considered what it is going to be like when he goes. He's said he doesn't want to lose me and that we can try and stay together, but he can't say how long he will be gone for. He says him going isn't about him getting with other people or looking for other partners etc, and that he doesn't want anyone else. I have asked if I could come and visit and he said he would love for me to come and visit.
I would move for him in a flash, I would do anything to be able to keep us together but I do understand and respect he needs this time to be independent and learn about himself. I have done a lot of solo travel and have lived abroad for a few years, so I am aware of how important and constructive for my personality that time away was. I just wish I could be a part of it with him.
I just don't know what to do, whether to wait for him or not. I don't think I would do very well in a LDR, I need physical touch and the intimacy of being close to him. I think I could bear it if I knew there was a final goal, like if it was 6 months or so and then I could go out and scope out whether I could move there too.
I am just so confused as to what it all means, and he can't seem to provide any more answers. He seems very confused himself. When I asked about longer term goals (and I did say I know we haven't known each other very long), he said he doesn't know if he even ever wants to be in long term relationship. I said perhaps you haven't found the right person, and he said I can't imagine wanting to be with anyone more than you. That all sounds quite insincere but he is a very sincere and honest person.
I suppose I am trying to get some advice or some opinions on what the best course of action here is. I feel like I am breaking at the moment, I am almost constantly on the verge of tears thinking about him leaving and the thought that January might be the end of us. I can't work out whether he really does want to stay together or whether he is just avoiding breaking up with me before. Has anyone got any insights or thoughts about this situation?
Wow, that seems like it is a very stressful and emotional time for you. I think that one thing I can suggest is to really figure out if he really want to do this with you or not. I am concerned that he is not able to give you any time frame with this... I think that you really need to seriously have a deep conversation with you and really figure out if this is worth the "fight/sacrifice" or not. I am with you about the Long Distance. It is very difficult to have a long distance relationship and keep that passion and fire still burn. 3 months is long but an unsure amount of months is even more scary which is even more concerning that he is not eve able to provide you with a length or time.
I think that you need to really tell him about your feelings about him being away and your serious concerns that you have with moving forward with this relationship.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck!!!! I look forward to hearing back from you soon
He had these plans set before even meeting you. He was very directed about completing his mission and is not letting anything to get in the way. Plus he has told you that he doesn’t have any long term goals, relationwise.
Enjoy him. Wish him well. Let him go. If he feels strongly about you, he will send for you.
Hi there, I am a firm believer in the “if you love him set him free” idea. If he is meant for you he will come back or send for you. Maybe you are needing some freedom too?