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Do I Have To Choose Between My Adult Daughter And My Boyfriend If She Threatens?

Posted by
ZIPPY123
on Nov 21 2018 at 14:42
Member since: 21 November 2018
Relationship advice Since I reconciled with an old boyfriend 5 months ago, my daughter has refused to accept him in my life. She says I can do "much better" in terms of someone who is more educated like me and has better finances like me.

I am already 61 and she is 26. I know she has my best interest at heart but this is becoming a very hard situation even though she lives with her bf out of town. For example, when she comes home for the holidays she doesn't want to "be around him". He has tried to reach out to her but she doesn't change.

She also tells me "isn't it a red flag that I don't like him?" and other things that make me feel really confused and upset. She says I'm really settling but I explained to her at this point in my life I'm looking for a good companion and they won't be exactly what I would prefer.

I know he may not be the perfect match but he is good to me and my son (who lives near me and has mild autism) and I know he really cares for us.

I would make sure that he didn't take advantage of my money, etc.

She typically has good common sense - I don't want to alienate her - it's only me, my son and my daughter. I'm a widow.

Last night my daughter called and when I told her I was watching a tv show with my bf she had an absolute meltdown...she told me that she would never speak to me again if I didn't break up with him! She said she won't take my calls or texts... in other words, its "her" or "him"....what do I do?

Do I have to choose between my adult daughter and my boyfriend if she threatens?
Reply from
LILY31
on Nov 27 2018 at 12:03
Member since: 08 September 2016
Hi,

I don't think you do have to choose, although I get it might be difficult and can cause problems.

I can understand how your daughter is feeling. My mum and dad are currently going through a divorce and I hope one day my mum, will meet someone decent and I hope I will like him! It's a bit of a fear for for most kids/young adults/adults But I wouldn't want her to be lonely in the future.

Your daughter may not be able to pin point why she doesn't like your bf, but I don't think it's right for her to judge him this harshly. when you say he's been trying to form some sort of friendship with her, he's learnt back off and doesn't want to offend her anymore. She should be trying too, even if she doesn't particallly like him. A civil, polite relationship is better then none I think.

I don't think it is a red flag until he actually shows signs of treating you badly or he does something wrong or very selfish. So therefore do you think she's actually going to like anyone you meet? And what's he actually done wrong?

If she had a melt down just because you were with him and watching tv, I'm wondering if she's stressed about something going on in her life and she's projecting onto your relationship?

Could you go visit her?

I don't think she'll disown you if your her only parent left, so stick to what you think is right for you :-)