Break-up as girlfriend needs time to figure herself out
So my gf is Nepalese and 23, I am German and 25, we both live in London
My gf of 4 years broke up with me about a month ago. We had a phone call 2 weeks before that day and recently just came back from a holiday. I was a bit frustrated as we were both really busy with new stages in our life (she just started a job, me new degree) and couldn't really see each other. 2 weeks later she tells me it's better if we take a break, we match but it's better if we are alone now. One week after that, she tells me it's better to break up as we wouldn't match suddenly. She said it's not fair that she doesn't feel the same as I do. The break up was done via whatsapp, and then I called her to talk.
We didn't have contact for about a month, she then texted me and I suggested a coffee after a bit of texting. We met last week for coffee (just casual talk). She said it's nice to talk and good to be friends. I then told her that we should meet up to talk...and well she first was a bit angry that I wanted to meet up to talk about the break-up as I said I'd appreciate if we could meet up face-to-face to talk for real.
She thanks me for everything, said she likes me and our time was beautiful, that it's not me, that it's her and she would like to feel more but can't right now. She asks me if I want to be with her knowing that I feel so much more than her? She wants to be alone right now and she can understand if we can't be friends now. She told me that her fear of losing herself became more significant than losing me, that she doesn't know what she wants in life overall and wants to figure it out on her own. It's the way she feels and she can't do anything about it..."What we had was beautiful but it's not for me...at least not in this point of my life"
I understand that she needs time...or is she indirectly saying that she lost interest in me, i.e. it's me?
First of all, I don't think she is cheating or dating anyone else, second of all, she's always been a bit anxious and unsure about her feelings and she thinks after 4 years she should have figured all out. Thirdly, past months (also whilst we were together) she's been saying sometimes that she feels generally stuck, that she wants to pack her bags and just go far away (we both live in London).
I told her I love her - whether we're together or not and if she wants to talk, she can text or call me.
I really love her...I know we're both in new stages of our life, we both had our ups and downs, I know that she's insecure, unsure and anxious of love and being loved...I just hate giving up something great and think we made things more complicated than they are...I know I gotta focus on myself now and let her go. With all the relationship advice from friends, online and wherever I'm a bit confused. I know every situation and person is different, and yes, everyone is saying it's best to let go. Just I hate giving up when things get a bit complicated and really love her. How bad does it look/sound for us?
I'm sorry to hear of your breakup..I also am in the same situation with my wife I've been with 20 years.
I know how hard this is and I have the same feelings for my wife but love has to be a 2 way street and it looks like I have to let her go.
I've tried to talk her round but it's not working...only making things worse between us.
Read my thread called her love for me has gone.
I hope some day we both find love again but I think for me, it will be a long way off, kind regards to you and hope someday you can be happy
Let’s see —now 23 years old, been with one guy 4 years, so that’s just a 19 year old girl who got “involved” while she Watched her guy get his degree . Maybe too early.
She has told you that she wants to find herself and that she wants to do that alone. She does not seem anxious to get back together.
It’s good that you are having friendly talks. Try to keep them that way. Put no pressure on her except to help you understand.
This may be one of those “if you love lsomeone, let them go, so they will come back” things.
She sounds like she wants - no really needs - to spread her wings. Whether or not she circles back around to you is anyone’s guess.