Security problems with a guy I like
there’s this guy who works security at my job. We’ve talked and flirted for a while and he asked for my number and things were going pretty well until I realized he didn’t want to take this further than just flirting. He would constantly remind me that we weren’t dating whenever I tried to do anything with him. He would also accuse me of talking and flirting with other people and would always tells me I could do what I wanted since we weren’t actually dating. I had actually cut off a few people because of him.
This went on for a few months until one day an old friend whom I haven’t seen in a while had messaged me and wanted to hang out and talk to me. I agreed and one thing led to another and I had sex with this friend. I told the guy I was talking to about what I had done because I didn’t really see anything wrong with what I had done. But he was actually really hurt and and stopped things between us.
We didn’t talk for a while until one day he randomly hit me up and asked me if I could make a few pies for him (because I bake and cook) I asked him why would I do that and he said “because we’re froends”
I was floored when he said that really. Because he had ignored me and wouldn’t talk to me at work yet now he was trying to be all buddy buddy with me?
He then asked for a second chance and I was actually willing to give him one, until that same day he told me he liked one of my co workers. I was hurt by that revelation but I didn’t stop him from pursuing her because it’s not my place anyway. But he was going back and forth between us. Saying he wanted us both but also didn’t know what he wanted. I told him not to talk to either of us until he did figure that out but he hasn’t stopped and is still pursuing us both.
I don’t know what to do here and I really need advice and help as to handothis situation
People don't always communicate very well. And people don't always know what they want for sure, the best we can do is make assumptions.
My guess is that this guy was interested in you at first, but maybe wasn't expressing his interest well enough, and you weren't understanding what he was saying. "Well, (I would be fine with that, but...) we're not dating, so no. (...But maybe if we were?)"
Is it possible this guy has been single this whole time through this? A lot of guys don't have much going on and end up being single for a while, and so sometimes we assume if we're talking to a lady she's in a similar boat. This isn't always the case, since women are frequently pursued. He probably wanted to be fair and maybe even test you a little bit by saying he doesn't own you and you can do what you want. He probably figured if you were interested in him in that way then you wouldn't have acted on it.
I see him asking you to bake him pies as his attempt to break the ice. He needed someone to bake something for him, but also wanted to revive your friendship, and maybe that was the best way he could figure how to do it.
It's hard to tell whether he likes you, likes your coworker more, likes you both equally, or is just open to options that show promise. For me, I think it's important to live in the moment a bit because opportunities slip away. Sometimes I'll pursue women who aren't the ideal thing I'm looking for, since I like to be altruistic and say, "You know what? Maybe this could work?"
Does anyone really know what they want though? I would say you don't, since you are posting here. You're not sure if you want to keep talking to this guy, but maybe a part of you does like him.