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No support

Posted by
on Dec 4 2018 at 21:09
Member since: 04 December 2018
Relationship advice Been married 22 years together 26. had more lows then highs in the marriage. I still love him but think this is the end for us and thinking of divorcing him. the trust as gone completely for me. he as looked at porn, told to stop but still went behind my back and done it again, he took out loans behind my back and said, so what if he did, he as been on dating sites as well. I have cheated on him in the past so im no saint and I done it because he made me feel I wasn't good enough looking at porn a lot and finding the dating sites. we moved house 2 months ago and its the worst one we could of picked. there are so many jobs that need doing and the landlord is not interested in doing anything. this as depressed me because of how bad it is and I have argued with my husband over it a lot of times. he just wants to get on with it then look to move out in 4 months time but when I wake up everyday I see how bad the house is it gets me down again. I was feeling low today and sent him a couple of emails about me not trusting him. I have accused him of being onto someone when he is on his phone and I topped up my phone after awhile and sent him text messages and was calling him but he only responded by email. he said he could only email because he had other men with him whist he was fixing something for work. I think he lied and just did not want to speak to me and was probably alone. I told him I was feeling low but not once did he call to speak to me and ignored what I was saying. I felt upset he did not care and realise how alone I am. he done this years ago as well and ignored my phone calls. I have no family or friends to turn to so have to cope alone. he said I wasn't never there for him when he was feeling low but I know I was because I remember calling him up. he should of been there for me and be my rock but he hasn't whatsoever. I feel he as no respect for me at all and probably as more for the porn women. I know I have treated him like I couldn't go on without him because I have no one else in my life and I think he as played on this and that is why he as walked all over me and treated me like crap. he as mentally and physically abuse me and I have done the same to him. I do regret the day I met him and told him this and wished I never have.
No support
Reply from
on Dec 10 2018 at 18:01
Member since: 06 March 2016
Hi there. I was married for 24, together 26. I also had no support system, so even though we weren't happy, I stayed. I stayed through the building resentment, that had reached terminal levels on both sides. I stayed through the constant score keeping and resulting pettiness. I stayed through the lies and mistrust. We were both guilty in all of those things, and knew we were not good for each other, but stayed together out of fear.

Don't waste any more years being unhappy in a toxic relationship. Divorce sucks. The breakup hurt as bad as I knew it would. But ya know what? It only hurt for a few weeks. Then it got better, by leaps and bounds. It got netter than it jad ever been with him. I realized I didn't miss him, or the constant chaos. I worked on myself and got healthier than I'd been in years. I rekindled old passions and interests I'd ignored. I liked myself again. I realized I'm whole on my own, and don't need to be dependent on anyone. I made new friends, and was just doing what I enjoyed, happy to be free.

And then, out of nowhere, I met the real love of my life. He's the best friend I've ever had, by far. We're so compatible that neither of us has to compromise on anything that matters. We genuinely enjoy each other's company and share countless intetests, and can talk for hours. We both know we are happy on our own, and the relationship is based purely on mutual respect. We're together because we want to be. Nobody feels obligated, and that's a much neyter place to be.

So take care of you for a change. Prioritize your own health and happiness. And before you know it, you'll be thanking yourself for making that decision. Financially, it can be rough. But once you get free of the chaos, you'll find peace is worth more than any material stuff, including a house. I walked away from a comfortable life, and haven't regretted it once. I did what I had to to get by. I'm disabled, but took every odd job I could, traded labor for room and board, and ate a lot of oatmeal. I was so much happier and less stressed, that it hardly seemed like a sacrifice at all. And, it all helped me appreciate myself a lot more.

I hope you decide you're worth walking away from situations (and people) that make you worse, instead of better.

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