Why can’t I move forward with my bf?
FUNKY - Dec 7 2018 at 22:58
My bf and I do love each other after 5 years but unlike him who can discuss and wants to move forward about our future including marriage I am paralyzed when it comes to this issue. We are both in our 60s and he is divorced but I’m widowed.
I think I’m afraid because of either or both these reasons:
I’m afraid of losing someone I love like my late husband. I almost didn’t survive that loss and I’m still grieving after 7 years.
He has very little money saved and lives paycheck to paycheck and I’ve worked hard all my life and saved money for a decent retirement so I’m scared I’ll end up supporting him. My daughter feels he isn’t good for me especially since he could become a financial issue. She also doesn’t feel he isn’t a moral guy because he has lied to me in the past.
I don’t want to leave him but can’t keep on leading him on that we will live together soon and then possibly marry if I’m so hesistent.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
Your first theory implies that you'd not grieve losing this man unless you marry him. That doesn't even make sense. A ceremony doesn't automatically make you grieve more intensely.
Your second theory is closer to the mark. You obviously don't see him as your equal, and for you, that's a deal breaker for marriage apparently.
So don't marry him. Despite being happy with him for this long, you aren't willing to support him in whatever way may be necessary in the future. So there is no future, and no real commitment. You have every right to that choice. So why stay with him at all?
You can continue dating him until he issues an ultimatum, or you can recognize that you don't want a future with him and let him go so he can find someone that does, and you can find someone you won't have to fear supporting.