I just wanted to reach out to receive an unbiased opinion for a major issue I am currently struggling with in my relationship. The situation is weighing heavily on me and I would just like some advice on what to do about it.
So my boyfriend and I have been together a couple months now. We are usually great but lately it hasn't been as great. Relationships have hard times so I am aware of that as well and fine with it. An example of this was this morning. He had texted me good morning and said that he missed when I called him babe and other pet names because we had been fighting the past couple of days and we weren't doing that. I replied and said "yeah, me too. I miss what we used to do too." I felt like this was a completely appropriate and civil. I was agreeing on both parts.
He blew up on me. His response was "There are so many things wrong with that first response. If you want things to go back to normal my best suggestion is to start taking accountability for your actions (or lack of!) instead of playing the blame game. It takes two people and I'm tired of it being a one way street. I can't be expected to do everything when you cannot be bothered. I'll let you think about if you actually want this relationship" He later explained that I was deflecting my response on him which I do not understand by any means as it said "we" and I was agreeing.
I replied and said that I was simply stating how I miss those things and would like them to return on my part as well.
I then sent a later text with a long and nice apology. It was never acknowledged. It was a sincere apology for something I felt like I didn't even do wrong. I have the boundary of not being ignored and he did not acknowledge me for 9 hours today even when I sent a nice text message. I respected he needed space and only sent one nice apology and left it at that. That was NOT even acknowledged.
You guys I am so angry, hurt, and confused. If someone can please tell me how I am in the wrong here it would be greatly appreciated. I feel so alone and like I don't matter and I am not important. I cannot have my boundaries challenged and be ignored for 9 hours. A simple "hey I still need space but i'll call later" would have been more than sufficient. I do not believe I should have to sit here and suffer consequences for something I said being perceived wrong and blown out of proportion. I do not have the slightest clue how to handle this problem and any feedback you have is greatly appreciated!
This is what happens when couples try to carry on important discussions through texting.
Get this sorted out in person, face to face, before it really blows up.
Hi I agree with the advice already given. Sending texts is not the best way to go about things, espically when arguing with someone. Words can get misinterpreted . I would avoid any arguing over text in the future and to make that clear to him too that it should be done face to face or at the very least over the phone.
It does sound like he’s angry with you for something that’s happened and wants you to acknowledge it. But you’re not a mind reader and he’s given you nothing to go on. He went about it on the wrong way by not being straight with you, which leads you to feeling how you’re feeling.
Talk to him face to face and see what he says.