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Follow heart or head with respect to my long term boyfriend to stay or not?

Posted by
on Dec 20 2018 at 18:41
Member since: 20 December 2018
Relationship advice My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. During this time we broke up a few times and I did date some others that he is aware of.

He is currently putting pressure on me to move in my home and marry me next year. I haven’t been comfortable with this idea because of her different finances. He has very little but I am very comfortable working and saving. But we do love each other and get along. Yesterday he said he was always worried that I’m always looking for someone else that is “better“ for me. He knows my daughter doesn’t care for him and does feel I should find somebody more compatible in terms of education (I’m a lawyer) as well as finances. My heart is saying don’t leave him but my head is telling me to run from him because I’ll regret it if I don’t.

My daughter is visiting me next week for the holiday and he expects to see her but she doesn’t want to.

This is so hard. Any thoughts?

Follow heart or head with respect to my long term boyfriend to stay or not?
Reply from
on Dec 26 2018 at 04:45
Member since: 20 August 2015
Hi Tornapart,

The main question is, how important is it to you that you are with someone who has great finances?

While your daughter's opinion is important to you, too, this is about who you want to be with. As long as this man is good to you and your daughter, if you like him then that's what counts.

You feel uncomfortable about his recent push for marriage and to move in together. I think you're right not to rush into marriage, and this is an issue that warrants a serious sit-down discussion with this man. But I think you need to also consider the reason why you have come back to this man many times and spent several years with him. It doesn't seem so awkward for him to want to make things more official and move in, especially when you have known each other for so long.

What is your biggest fear about what would happen if you did get married and move in together? And on the flipside, do you think things could be better for you both in some ways if you were to do this?

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