This is far from everything that's wrong with my life but I figure anything more than this will bore people to death. How can I go back to being that calm loved guy? I've been trying for years but my will is extremely weak, especially these days for the aforementioned reasons and way more.
I'm sorry to hear about your home burning down. And I'm sorry your parents have been on the rocks lately.
I think what you're most afraid of is being exposed and vulnerable, and having your public image tarnished. Why do you need to be liked by so many people? Why do people need to look up to you? You're putting too much pressure on yourself for no reason at all, because the truth is we all have flaws. You kind of have to learn to acknowledge them.
If that makes people like you less, then were they really worth being so worried about?
Just try to be yourself and do the best you can. The right kind of people will appreciate that, and you will feel more calm just being who you are and not trying to spend so much time and energy cultivating a likable front.
Your parents are struggling with the loss of their home, plus their fragile marriage which cant handle this stress. They sound like they weren’t there for you before, and now when you need them for sure they aren’t/ can’t be there for you. That’s why I asked if there is an uncle, teacher, religious leader, parent of a friend, counselor or anyone else in your life.
The teens aren’t easy to navigate. And what works when we are a cute kid often doesn’t fly when we get older. Find someone older to talk to and find out how they got thru these feelings during their teen years.
ill try answering your questions or adding in a comment to your answers in order:
1) I appreciate your concern, I got used to the fact that our house went up in flames but my parents being the way they are right now is still bad for my psychology
2) "I think […] image tarnished" that's exactly it, although like I mentioned above I must have been really down at the time I wrote all that so everything I said was slightly exaggerated. I recently talked to one of my internet friends about this and honestly, I just miss being my elementary school self, that guy had everything I listed and more, but he was also the guy you just talked about. by that I mean he was himself and never had a care in the world of what others thought of him. I want to return to those past roots soooooo much but I'll have to change my thinking process which is proving to be really difficult so far
3) I care about those people liking me because they're some of the finest guys and gals I've talked to, trust me when I say that they have all the great qualities a person can possibly have. I might have even fallen for a girl because of how sweet and kind she actually is
4) I realize I mentioned this exact same thing before but yeah, im trying to become that guy who doesn't rely on other people's approval and generally doesn't really care about anything but im having trouble changing my thought process.
5) sadly I don't have any adult I can talk to, no
I know this girl who's a very close friend of mine and she's actually quite knowledgeable in this sector (unfortunately she was a victim of depression) but she's just a teen, like me, so I feel she won't really know how to respond except for trying to comfort me
that's all, again thank you for your answers, ill try harder to improve my life
call it a new year's resolution I guess
But be grateful that it was so positive - but maybe it was awarded to you a little too “easy”?
Things have changed. Now the “work” of life begins. Now you have to “earn” that status you yearn for. It will take some introspection of yourself.
The first thing is to do a validation test:
Are you seeking praise and purpose by relying on your past history (the darling of the elementary school)? It’s a nice thought, but it doesn’t work, since others are growing and changing, too! Are you feeling you are being by-passed?
OR ...are you ready to do the hard work of self improvement - to feel good and confident about yourself- all without the goal of receiving adoration from others? (Because there’s no guarantee that would happen, anyway)
“Praise without productivity and wealth without work” are just two of the “sins” that Ghandi proposes are the faults of our society today.
people kept telling me that but at the time I didn't pay much attention to it because I didn't know it would be anything serious, guess I was wrong
I definitely, absolutely, don't want my mind to be stuck in the past but I really just cant help it sometimes. I have indeed felt being bypassed by everyone around me here and there, and it's not exactly what you'd call a comforting feeling
The truth is, I deeply wanted to improve since 3 years ago, I do want to feel confident but it seems the desire of approval keeps getting to me in one way or another. But honestly, after watching some videos on this matter and reading your last answer I am starting to feel a bit "different", in a good way
lets just hope that's a good thing
I also do infact disagree with the whole "praise without productivity and wealth without work" ideology but I just hadn't realized how everyone had moved on from that carefree lifestyle and that has costed me plenty of years of improvement unfortunately, quite easily one of the biggest mistakes I made in life
Ghandi says that the fault (“sin” ) of Mankind is to expect praise without productivity (doing something) and wealth wihout work (earning it).
So you have WORK to do, since the attention/ admiration you seek will come when your self esteem is raised. Self esteem is developed when something is accomplished.
So your “work” is to find and develop your talents, gifts, apptitudes, and develop them. (Music? Art? Sports? Writing? Helping others? Caroentry? Math? Theater? Mechanics???? You get the idea.
regardless, thank you for your help, I believe it has genuinely helped me a bit
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