Now the thing is that we arent friends anymore, I have said sorry but because I didnt talk to her after those 2 weeks she has blocked me. But I am not okay. I feel alone. I know that she was a toxic friend. Why do I feel alone. My grades have gone down. I am not feeling well. Sometimes I hate her. Sometimes I want her back as i remember our friendship that we had in the start of the university about 2 years ago. I dont know why do I feel alone, sad, depressed. I feel like everything has stopped. I feel like i am empty from the inside. She on the other hand is okay. Our mutual friends post pictures on snapchat. She is laughing in every video and picture. They are going out watching movies. She is getting good grades. Whenever I am in the class she sings and laughs and speaks very loudly just so that I can hear her. I am alone. I feel sad. I dont know what to do. I cant remember my goals, what I wanted to do in life. I feel like I will never get a friend again. I always feel the need to call someone. I cant sped time with myself alone. I cry alot. I feel like I should go to her and say sorry, But that will be stupid as this is not the soltuion. I want to feel happy.
You realise it’s a toxic relationship and the best thing to do is to stay away and distance your self from her as much as you can, and slowly cut contact. Its a positive thing that you regonise this .
I think you probably feel sad/depressed because your friendship didn’t turn out the way you though it would, instead it ended badly and she showed that actually she wasn’t a nice person.
You don’t need to go back to her and apologise anymore because you don’t owe her one.
It sounds that if she turns others against you then she’s the bully. Bullies are very good at making you feel cr*p lower your self esteem and confidence. Try to hang out with people who aren’t connected to her or if you do then be careful what you say to them about her in case it gets back to her.
With these kind of people they want you to feel like this and if you allow your self to carry on feeling the way you are, then basically she wins. Don’t let this be your 3rd year of thinking about her, missing her or hating her, learn to forget. it does take time so don’t be too hard on yourself. After uni you’ll probably go your separate ways.