Just need to talk and hopefully others have advice
Here it’s goes... a few weeks ago I started talking to a co-worker at first about our marriage problems with our spouses. The co-worker conversations led to text messages and exchanging several nude pics... I was seeking attention and appreciation (I’m the wife, with a 2 year old, been married for 2 years) Husband found pics and emails on Christmas Eve which was absolutely devistating.
I told my parents, brother sister and best friend what happened because husband threatened to show everyone my and his pics if I didn’t. its only been 3 days... but now I feel like I’m in the resentful stage. Husband told me he forgave me but he is now talking to co-workers wife and their marriage is ruined because now she knows about her husbands affair. I thought it would only be my marriage that was ruined not theirs.
Today husband took our baby to Disneyland since Friday’s I work 16 hours. I’m sad because part of the reason I was seeking attention elsewhere was because I work full time, cook, clean, do all mom duties etc etc and don’t put myself first. however hubby would go to gym, hunting, enjoy dinner, go get massages, and only cared for and took care of his items... I’m happy because he sent me pictures of our beautiful happy son. But I’m sad because Disney should have been a family trip. I feel like this is karma .. I feel like this is revenge.. I feel like I deserve this... because it’s my fault. I have googled about marriage and when divorce is a good decision. I don’t want to make the wrong decision again but I also don’t want to stay just because of our baby. I’m confused, I feel sad, I’m angry but I feel like I was being selfish and should have thought about this before sending nude pics and sexual messages. We did not have sex, however my husband does not believe me which I don’t blame him. But sometimes I feel like I should have because he would not have forgiven me and he would hate me ... or maybe he does .. but maybe he’s trying to save this marriage or seek revenge? Is it normal to be so confused. Thanks for reading
Ok, so I see that you haven’t been getting attention from your husband. It sounds like he does what he wants and it’s all about him. So you confine in a work colleague, who also has problems. I can see how things go on from there the way they did, because you both have that in common. Both lonely and lacking in affection.
What I don’t really understand is why your husband threatened to show the messages to your family and best, if you didn’t, when it really should of been between the two of you to sort out? Did he want to turn them against you out of anger and to Embarrass you? Just seems a bit odd that he’d threaten this and bring others into this.
He is clearly guilt tripping/punishing you. Hows he been since?
This is so recent and feelings are so raw that time is needed to sort things out.
Keep thinking about the state of your marriage. You have described his selfish behavior. Is this what you want to go back to?
Unless you and him get some professional help, things will return as usual.
Make a list of the changes needed in your marriage to make you want to be with this guy. Let him know you mean business.
You must realize that you can be a good mother and make it on your own, if need be.
Good luck. (See a counselor alone if he won’t go with you)