Okay so, I'm going to break my explanation down into smaller chunks to make my rant easier to follow.
First up, my situation:
20YO Male, living in (very) small town, love technology and a few nerdy things here and there.
Just finished college ~5/6 months ago, have 9-5 job as an IT technician.
Still currently living with dad, plan is to get a mortgage by the end of next year.
No previous relationship/s
In the last year or so I have been overthinking and getting more anxious about being alone.
I cry myself to sleep whilst overthinking most nights.
I have went through panic attacks at work and at home quite a bit.
Sometimes I can go a whole week feeling amazing but eventually fall back in the hole I feel like I have dug.
What my overthinking brain thinks is the solution, and some thoughts:
Overall my brain (and my heart) want to share the life I have been given with someone who cares about me (proper relationship), and that I am able to care about them.
I believe in the thought that the meaning in our life is about wanting to be responsible for something, having a goal to reach, and a reason behind the drive to reach that goal.
What I am responsible for:
My actions inside/outside of work.
My end goals:
Be happy with someone who loves me as much as them and to possibly extend that love to a family, my possible future family I wish to create.
The drive to reach my goal:
I'm scared of death, and being alone so I want to know what love feels like.
I want to make my parents proud of their son.
A few questions:
Is there an easy way out of my overthinking, anxious state, and how do I go about getting back to the way my mind once was?
If the way out is to find someone, how can a person like me in a small town like this ever find someone, when all I do is work, go home, and *sometimes* go out on a weekend with the few friends I have (getting sick of that so will probably sit in my room instead)?
Any tasks/hobbies that help like minded people relax and feel happy whilst alone?
Hopefully you can help me, as I am afraid that I can no longer help myself.. I feel emotionally dead inside.
Any other advice is welcome, don't be afraid to hurt my feelings.
Well not all thoughts are real and it’s very easy to get your self into a negitive mind set and the you can very easily spiral.
I used to get quite anxious and found CBT books helpful (interesting, and easy to read) and can help you get back in control of your emotions.
Also there are meditation apps - mind full thinking - that you can listen to. after a while you do notice the difference, in that you’re calmer, but I would say you’ve got to make sure you do it daily. Those are the two things that really worked for me.
being around positive people, not negitive people who bring you down will help and hopefully stop you from staying in your room. There nothing wrong with want some me time but there is a balance. Doesn’t really matter how many friends you have, sometimes smaller groups are better so concentrate on the few you do have and maybe more will come along when the time is right.
Excerise was another thing, like running or swimming, non competitive sports. All this will slowly start to help you.