I think I may have ruined the marriage. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for over 3. We we're so happy before marriage, after we got married- life just kept giving us lemons. He's in a dead end job, but likes his boss. I've been in a management position, but it's taken up my life and unfortunately I haven't spent much time with him the 7mos. Family sickness, my family is staying in our apt with us temporarily and it's uncomfortable for everyone.
The biggest problem is that I spend a lot of money. We're never in the negative, but we never have enough to save and unfortunately both our credit is bad. This causes a lot of stress and worry for him. And no matter how I try- I can never seem to stop spending money and it's causing problems. He's communicates that this is the only thing in our relationship that bothers him. it has been the only cause of contention in our realationship. He always said this is the only reason he'd ever leave me.
But recently things are different, hes withdrawn from me (not everyone else), has started calling me hurtful names when we argue, stopped saying I love you unless I say it first, never greets me when I get home, no goodnight kisses. No matter what we fight about, it's always my fault. He claims I'm nitpicky, overbearing, judgy, hurtful and clingy- I'm sure sometimes I am, but it definitely isn't always. But no matter what, if we fight- it's ALWAYS my fault. I haven't fixed my spending issues and I know he hates how my family and I communicate(pack mentality) and my family is very argumentative- about literally everything.
This isn't all the time- we still have lots of good days, but it's enough where a foreboding feeling has come over me and I know he's miserable. I can't imagine my life without him, but I have started thinking divorce would make him happier. I told him this and he said it would not make him happier- he does not want a divorce.
Do any of you have any advice on how to save our marriage? I love this man more than my life.
I wasn't going to respond, but this is still unanswered. So here goes.
If you cared about your marriage as much as spending money, you wouldn't be in this position. You meed to change your financial behavior, whether you stay married or not. I highly recommend counseling. Find out what drives the compulsive, destructive behavior, and do something to fix it. Financial counseling is in order as well. I suspect you already know that, but are hesitant to do it because you simply don't want to change. Even if it costs you your marriage. Thing is, it will keep costing you after your marriage is in ruins.
I used to struggle with the same thing. It was a really bad coping mechanism for emotional issues. Getting help was the best thing I ever did for myself. Regardless of what happens with your marriage, you need to fix this. There are several ways to go about it, and I hope you find at least one that helps you.