My husband of 10yrs & I we’re out at a very crowded bar this weekend, when an old female friend of his walked by he chose to reach out with both hands & grab her breasts right in front of me! I chose to finish my only drink of the evening instead of dumping it all over him & creating a sene. I did confront him that next morning. He said, “oh, you saw that”... which pissed me off even more! He’s apologized a few times, but I can’t find it in me to forgive him. I feel very betrayed. A similar situation happened when we were engaged, he kissed another woman in another bar situation. I forgave him then & now 10yrs & a child later... I feel like I’m in the exact same situation. Even his excuses of why he did something so stupid were the same verbiage as before! I feel so hurt, betrayed and completely disrespected. Would this be considered cheating? We spoke at great lengths before we got married & I repeatedly told him then that I would not accept this behavior from my husband. I’m so hurt.. and I don’t even know if I want to continue my marriage at this point. I guess I’m looking for support in what do I do now? This is both of our second marriages.... I’m not looking to ever date anyone else again, although I’m so unhappy at this point... it might be better to just be alone?
In my opinion, this is worse than cheating. I'm assuming the woman he groped did not ask him to do that, so he did it without her consent, and with zero regard for his wife. He did it because he is used to getting away with it. And he still is. So why would he stop?
Also, his response made it clear this is normal for him. So I can't help but wonder how he behaves when you're not sitting next to him. I'm sure he does things like that, and probably worse.
The bigger issue is, he obviously sees women as objects that exist for his pleasure, and doesn't respect women as equal human beings. It would turn my stomach to realize that about someone I was with.
I think you already know what you need to do. It's just not an easy thing to actually do. I left afyer 26 years, and it was not easy. But I was SO much happier on my own than I'd been in years, my only regretwas not leaving sooner. Don't waste any more time with someond that doesn't respect you. Or women in general. You deserve much better.
I suspect he is quite self- centered, only you don’t see or acknowledge it, even after 10 years.
Then, when he drinks, his inhibitions are lowered, and he acts out.
Him turning angry because he got caught only shows how narcissist he is.
What was this woman’s reaction? Perhaps his “old friend” was used to that kind of (relationship) values from before, and he just picked up on those immature actions from the past.
Remind him that bring a drunken jerk who grabs Women’s breasts can land him in jail. And you will not tolerate that kind of behavior- even from a female who is willing.
Then move on from this. He has been warned. Let’s see if he learns from this or not. He may have to look at his drinking and how he acts when using alcohol.