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Boyfriend puts son before me, overreacting or not?

Posted by
NOMI
on Jan 3 2019 at 18:20
Member since: 03 January 2019
Relationship advice Hi All,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He is divorced and has 2 children,age 17 and 22 from his previous marriage. I get along with his youngest boy but the older one wants nothing to do with me which hurts me a lot. The reason for this is because he sees me as the reason for his parents divorce, it was a nasty divorce in which my name was slandered a lot.

My boyfriend has his own house and I have mine,so whenever his oldest son wants to visit his father I go to my house.

This has been the case for the last 4 years.

Whenever I bring up the fact that I dont like the way his son is handeling the situation, my boyfriend always says that It's also hard for him as he is in the middle of all this and doesnt want to hurt either one of us and that he wants to restore the bond with his son.

A couple days ago me and my boyfriend had a serious argument which left me feeling sad and not understood. His son texted him in the middle of us trying to work things out and wanted to come over and asked him what he was doing , my boyfriend response was 'Nothing'. (Basically giving him permission to come over.

I asked my bf why he didn't just tell him he was with me,as we were trying 2 resolve our argument Instead of now expecting me to make room for this son. He told me that if hè had said I was there his son wouldnt come over.

I packed my stuff and left in tears, feeling sad and worthless. It feels as if hè just doesn't care about my feelings. Like im not a priority. I feel like he should've picked me this time and not let his son come over.

I dont know if Im wrong about this? Am I overreacting, should I accept this behaviour?

I understand that that is his child and children always come first but right now I feel really shitty. Am I wrong?

Sorry if my English is bad, Im from Belgium.

Boyfriend puts son before me, overreacting or not?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 4 2019 at 13:28
Member since: 27 December 2013
Problem #1

It is not unusual for teens to resent and try to sabotage second relationships of their divorced parent. This was not handled right in the beginning, so now this kid had immense power over his father, who has failed to keep parental status/fathering in his control. That’s problem number 1 and needs professional couples/family counseling to deal with.

Problem #2 - the argument and the boy compounding the issue. Your man was caught off guard with the boy’s interruption, and again, let the kid run his life. This goes back to problem #1.

Insist on counseling before going back with him. Set standards for yourself ( the kid certainly has!) and insist on being respected in the relationship.

Goid luck!

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