Me 23M and my ex-girl 23F broke up after almost 3 years together
Hello, I know that it's a common to meet and leave people.But she was my first girl,and first lover.We broke up cause due to her words : "She is been tired of me"
In short : We broke up with a girl and i don't know how to overcome and forget about her. I don't wanna be a poor-lover while she lives life as if nothing had happend.
And I feel lost. We were dating for 2.6 years,and she went to another country for work month ago.We dealed,that it is only for 6 month.Then she turns back,and we will go into another city to live together. But after one argue, she told that already doesn't love me.
And I was surprised. How did she tell me looking into my eyes,that she wants to live life with me,and loves me strongly,and a week later - that there are no feelings.Problem is that I still love her.And I tried for a week offering to start everything from scratch.Everything she answered me : "You've lost everything.You can't do nothing more.I don't love you.You don't attract me etc."
I know,that I was wrong in many cases.But she was also.However everything she writes and tells me saying like it's only my fault. And she also wrote nasty things about my appearance. I just can't understand. If you decided to broke all relationships,why are you writing to me.I've told her : "Okay,if it is your decision,i can only wish you luck.Good bye".Next morning she writes : "Good morning.I'm ill.How r u?"It gave me hope. But after all my offers she saying : "No.I know that everything would be the same.We broke up,and it is the end."I feel like she enjoys giving and taking hope back while watching me asking her to turn out relations back.
I know,that you can think.Oh,this guy is weak and pathetic,if he still asks her to turn back.And I realize this fact.But I still can't understand what has happened. How did she love me,and stop feeling everything one week later.
Also I'm trying to learn programming.By myself with internet.Cause once I need to quit college and start working.And I don't work all my life in place I am now.And we planned to go together.To find a job.We are living in a small and poor town.
And every time I sit in front of computer,i can't concentrate my mind to work hard.
I know that there are people,who have more problems than I do.And they are more persistent.
But i think it's hard to loose your first love,and first girl.Even in older age.
Reddit, how to forget about her?I already have hard work,but it doesn't help me not to think about her.How to stop thinking,that girl I love will look someone's else eyes saying that she loves him.And how to find a will to keep going in my self-learning?
And, please, tell me. Is it normal to do some steps from her side, even if breaking up was her initiative, which can be interpreted like she is doubting.Or all of this doubts are in my head, and my brain just trying to find an opportunity, where I won't feel that there is no hope?How to understand the fact, that we've broke up and it's final decision?