Recently he started dating, but he hid it from me for a what I think was a long time (I have no idea when they started). I heard about it from another mutual friend who heard from another mutual friend. I asked him about it and although he didn’t yes, he didn’t deny it either. Fast forward a few days, I got quite pissed off with his hedging and he finally said yes. So I told him that being the supposedly close friends that we were, that nothing explains why I had to hear it from someone else that wasn’t even close to any of us. He said well I should know him by now and that he adopts a separation of work and private life, and that he’s kept that quiet because she also works in the same place. Well, I apparently didn’t get the memo. I don’t think he has ever had that separation with me, he tells me a lot about everything, and he knows I never gossip about him.
Am I an idiot to think that he should have told me about it, and not let me hear about it from others, and not continue to lie to me about it when I asked? I never had a problem with him getting a gf, I’ve even offered to set up his tinder for him. I felt like a fool for not knowing and had asked him out for drinks, movies, and out to club. And being blindsided by the sudden whole separation of work and private life thing. I have provided him with support from day one of him opening his new company, given him gifts for every birthday (I’ve never gotten anything back), listen to him complain, etc.
I told him ok, but he’s still texting me asking how I am, if I’m feeling well because I was cold to him, and trying to share funny videos. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. And frankly I’m quite hurt.
What should I do?
Accept co- responsibility.
This was allowed to go on way too long before either of you making a move from friendship to the next level.
Now you are feeling used and angry. And he sits there like a Chelsire Cat, surrounded by your gifts of time and sense of expectation.
You are a wiser person now. Detach from your “friend” and find what you need outside the office.
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