Been married 22 years. I am 48 he is 54. I thought sex was fine between us but the other night my husband said it was ok. he said he was talking about himself and it wasn't me. he had his prostrate taken out 2 years ago and as to use a pump which takes about 10 minutes for him to use. I have never really adventurous in the bedroom but I always made sure he got his pleasure even if I wasn't in the mood for it and dressed up for him and done oral and tried a few different positions. now after him saying it was ok I feel he means it about me and that he sees it as the same all the time and im no good. he said he just wants to be the same again in the bedroom and be normal and he worries if I get any pleasure from him because of what's happened to him and what he as to use to get it going. i said I do and told him that it is not the same as before and when he as to use the pump it is of putting. when we go out I always notice that he looks at other women and he does it a few times and I feel im not good enough or nice looking and I wonder if he is thinking what the other woman could be like in the bedroom. he said he looks like every other man looks at women but he only wants me but its not nice if he keeps looking at the same woman all the time in front of me is it, that's not showing me respect at all. I wouldn't do it if a gorgeous bloke was in front of me, I would look then leave it at that not keep looking like he does. I have wondered if he does it to knock my confidence, he denies he keeps looking. my sister once said, doesn't he stare about him and I notice he does do it and I have told him he does but again he denies it. I love him but I feel hurt that he must think that sex is not much with me no matter that he says its not me its him. he as looked at porn for years which really shattered my confidence and i don't look at it as im not interested but I feel he wants me to be like them women and do all the things they do. he said he is happy with sex with me and i said maybe his exs where better, he said i am better then them at sex but i think he is lying.
So I would say you shouldn't let these conversations make you feel insecure. Your husband said he is happy with you and your sex life.
He enjoys your sex life for what it is, but realizes that old age and his lack of a prostate have taken away the sex drive he once had. It probably causes him a lot of insecurity.
Beyond that I feel like you're combining different issues together and making assumptions. Yes, maybe it is wrong that he keeps staring at attractive women a lot, while you're there, no less. But he likely just enjoys looking, and doesn't realize you find it so rude. Maybe he kind of stares off into space while he's thinking sometimes as well.