Husband says I’m ‘lording’ the decision to have a 2nd child over him
I’m not sure if I want to have a second child. Our daughter is 5 and our marquee has always had problems. Ive never really felt like my feelings are valid to my husband.
After our daughter was born things were very hard, I was seen as the Nag, wanting him to participates more at home and party less. We went to counseling and made some changes to our living situation which took some of the pressure off me.
He says he always wanted a big family, I had always thought I wanted two but one was so hard and while things between us are better they aren’t great. Today we had a fight in front of our daughter. I had commented very calmly that he left the kitchen a big mess last night and he reacted by telling me that I often leave the kitchen a mess and he’s cleaning up all the time and if he got mad every time I left a mess I would hate life with a raised voice. I said things like this make me worried to take on more commitments together, we have been talking about having a second child and we also of moving to a new town away from some of our family to be closer to nature.
He got very angry saying I’m lording a second child over him and I knew he wanted a big family and how could I do this to him.
I’m not sure what to do, the fact that we can’t even discuss my concerns calmly and rationally seems to make them more valid. Maybe I shoulda discuss them with him at all. Maybe I shouldn’t be with him, I know the fighting isn’t good for our daughter. Please give me some advise.
I think I’m not a good adviser at all. My marriage is close to break up. We don’t speak for last 8 days. I guess the issue is relatively similar. This is children or better to say it’s an absence of choice. I though we both wanted to have at least one baby. We tried hard for 7 years.
I experienced failures, recovered and we continued to fight. One day I said it’s over. I couldn’t keep on undergoing those endless cycles of treatment. I began considering other option such a surrogacy.
My husband disgusted my decision. He didn’t want to listen to my arguments. He said it’s too expensive and we’d better try to adopt.
He knew my opinion regarding that. We discussed it a few years ago. I want to have genetic related baby and he also wants to but something has changed after my last IVF failed. I look at his and can’t notice his desire. His plan of being a parent doesn’t exist anymore.
It actually kills me and my love. I’m here just to hear that we have to talk. You also have to talk. We all who have problems with our relationship have to talk to each other because there’s no other way out.
I know for sure two things. One of them is that I won’t lose on my wanting. Another is that only conversation can save our families.