My wife got upset with me because about 4 months ago I said I was not going to see my sister or mom because they do not make an effort to see my kids. I just started seeing my mom again because she is my mom and I love her. I knew if I told my wife I wanted to see my mom she would get upset and she would think that I don’t care about her feelings so I decided not to tell her at first. A couple of days ago me and my wife were talking and I mentioned that I went to go see her and sure enough she got mad at me because I hid it from her and now she is wanting to see a marriage counselor and if that doesn’t work then she wants a divorce. I mentioned to my wife that I am not going to stop talking to my mom because she is my mom and I love her. I’m not going to hold a grudge like her the rest of my moms life. It’s not worth it to me to hold a grudge for anything forever. My wife is the opposite and will hold a grudge forever if she could.
The other issue I have with her is that she holds grudges with my family but her family can do no wrong and they do the same things my wife complains to me about with my family. I honestly don’t know if I want to stay married to someone like that but we have two girls together and I have been in their lives everyday since they have been born. I have been thinking to myself do I stay in a marriage and be unhappy and possibly not see my family but be with my girls or do I stand up for myself and tell her that she is wrong for holding grudges against my family and probably get divorced and not see my kids a lot. That is most of my situation and if I can get someone’s advice about my situation I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
Married man on the verge of divorce
My parents were separated ever since I could remember. I'm now an adult. Although the difference is that my father is the one who hold grudges and hates my Mom's family for everything that his family also does.
Me and my siblings grew up with my Mom and Grandmother while my father visits us occasionally. I remember everytime he visits we would have fun but at times he would also tell us that my Mom and Grandmother were demons and whores and that they were the reason why they separated. But we knew better. We just couldn't tell him to stop coz then he would be angry at us.
This is still happening until now because of his attitude of holding grudges. He would still tell us how he hates my Mom and Grandmother. That they brainwashed us to hate him. Coz eventually we started fighting back and he thinks that the reason we do is because my Mom and Grandmother tells us to.
Now imagine the torture of growing up with a parent like that. I endured it coz he doesn't visit that often but whenever he does I feel so drained and heavy because of all the things he says.
If your wife is someone like this, then I feel sorry for the kids. If you can endure it FOR THE KIDS then I think that would be the best. I also think that you should stand your ground because thats your Mom. If she doesn't want to see her then she doesn't need to. I hope you could make your wife understand that you cant ignore your Mom or your family.
Try to make her feel the same way she does to you. What if you forbid her to see her Mom or family or something like that.
But please, dont make selfish decisions or decisions based of emotions. Think of the kids first.
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